Absolution
by kmoaton
Summary: This is the collected chronicles of Miroku and Sango. This is AU and based on the LJ community un love you. Each one is a stand-alone piece but are for the most part tied together.
1. Ghosts

'_Hair darker than a thousand nights. Deep brown eyes hiding who know what secrets.'_

Those were Miroku's first thoughts when he saw her sitting across the crowded room. At first glance, he saw a former girlfriend, someone long loved and lost. He continued to watch her through hooded eyes. He soon realized, at least physically, the mystery woman was a lot of things his ex wasn't. The mystery woman was lean and, in spite of her leanness, she still maintained her womanly curves. He also noticed, in a land where women prided themselves on their paleness, she was glowing with a healthy tan.

Intrigued, Miroku decided to at least introduce himself so he could have a name to go along with the fantasy. Signaling the bartender, Miroku asked what was the mystery woman drinking. To his surprise, it was simply sparkling water and lime. Miroku had the bartender to prepare another and gathering his courage, decided to deliver it to the table himself.

Sango smirked as she saw him approach. She had noticed him when he entered the bar. Silky black hair tied back into a ponytail. Sango thought his gold hoop piercing his ear was sexy but the thing that really struck her was the look in his eyes. They were midnight blue and the saddest things she had seen in a long while. Every now and then, Sango would catch him staring at her and she started hoping he would come over. She was curious to the reason why such a handsome man would be so broken.

Arriving at the table, Miroku was suddenly at a loss for words. Up close, mystery woman was even more beautiful. She smiled at him and pointed to the sparkling water in his hand.

"Is that for me?"

Miroku looked at his hand, confused for a moment.

"Oh…Oh yes, it is."

Sango took the drink. "Thank you." Gesturing to a chair, "Join me."

Miroku took a seat across from her. Up close, he couldn't help but be entranced. The perfume she was wearing was intoxicating. He couldn't believe he had even begun to mistake her for his ex.

"I see you noticed what I was drinking." Sango broke into his reverie.

Miroku nodded. "I have to admit I've been watching you for a while. I noticed you were alone."

Sango gave a Mona Lisa smile. "I sure it was more to it than just that. Me being alone doesn't warrant a drink. Curiosity, yes, but not necessarily a drink."

Miroku had to smile at her logic. He could see she was very aware of her appeal. Miroku bowed.

"Well, let's start over. My name is Yonai Miroku."

Sango bowed in return. "I am Aso Sango. You may call me Sango."

"Well, I am Miroku. Is your drink to your liking?"

Sango gave a slight bow of her head. "Very much so. So Miroku-san, again what brings you over? You haven't come with any of the lame pickup lines so I'm assuming maybe something else?"

Miroku's expression looked thoughtful for a moment. He debated with the truth or coming up with an elaborate tale. Looking into her deep brown eyes, Miroku realized he couldn't lie.

"Honestly, you reminded me of an ex when I first glanced at you."

Sango glanced down at her drink. "I see."

Miroku touched her hand on the table. "No, you don't see. I realized that you are nothing like her."

Sango peeped back up "Is that a good thing or bad thing?"

For a moment, Sango saw a trace of the lech Miroku could be. He lifted one eyebrow and gave Sango a surprisingly smoldering stare.

"It's most definitely a good thing."

Sango blushed slightly. It had been a while since a man had intrigued her.

'_Just my luck, it's a man haunted by his old girlfriend.'_

Out loud, Sango decided to prod a little.

"Do you feel up to talking about her?"

Miroku had to think for a moment. He had never really shared with anyone the story of what happened. Maybe it would be cathartic to get it off his chest and let the wound in his heart begin to heal. Looking in to Sango's eyes, Miroku realized he would tell her anything she wanted to know.

"Ok"

Sango listened in agony as Miroku told her his tragic tale about someone he loved so much and was preparing to marry. The night he had planned a beautiful proposal was the night she came to him to break his heart.

"She told me she loved someone else…my best friend. They didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. Could I be happy for her…for them."

Sango said nothing but reached across the table and held his hand. Miroku took comfort from that simple touch and courage to continue.

"I left that night and broke ties with both of them. I've changed jobs and moved to get away from the memories." He paused and gave a shaky sigh. "Being lost in this big city has helped the ease the pain but the past has a way of hunting you down."

A frown crossed Sango's face. "They found you?"

Miroku nodded. "At least my number. I got home and a message was on my machine saying they had been looking for me to clear the air. He had the nerve to say he missed my friendship and wanted my blessings."

Looking across the table, Miroku was surprised to see Sango's tear filled eyes. He was even more surprised by her angry reaction.

"How dare they try to use you to assuage their guilt!"

Miroku smiled. He had never shared the story because he hadn't wanted pity. The fighting spirit showed by Sango was like a salve to his wounded heart.

"I came to the lounge to drink and clear my head."

Sango smirked. "Those two don't really work hand in hand."

Shrugging, Miroku laughed. "Ironic, isn't it?"

Sango joined in his laughter. A feeling of peace spread between them. In spite of his personal demons, Sango found herself enjoying Miroku's company. She felt that maybe this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship but he had to deal with his past.

"You know Miroku. You really can't move on until you deal with them."

Sango felt herself skewered by an angry glare. Miroku's eyes were stormy blue and she could see the betrayal dancing across their surface.

"Are you saying I should forgive them?"

Sango sighed. "I don't know if you can. But at some point you have to deal with them and let them go. There is no way I can see you being a part of their lives but for your life to move on, you have to face the music."

Miroku continued to hold Sango's gaze for a moment, but then his face softened and he gave a small smile.

"You are right. Maybe I can do it in a letter. I just don't want to speak to her again."

Sango patted his hand. She could tell Miroku still carried around the hurt. He had a trial ahead of him but she could see him coming out on top. Looking at her watch, Sango was goggled by the time. It was really late and she had an early day tomorrow.

"Well, Miroku, it was lovely sharing this evening with you."

Miroku looked crushed for a moment. He was enjoying her company more than he had enjoyed any woman's company for a while.

"Does it have to end so soon?"

Sango gave a small smile. "I'm afraid so. I have an early day tomorrow." Sango reached in her purse and extracted a business card. After writing on the back she gave it to Miroku.

"On the front is my business number. On the back, my cell."

Sango then picked up her drink and finished it. She stood and smoothed her skirt.

"When you can look at me and not be haunted by a ghost, give me a call."

As she walked away, Miroku could totally appreciate her wonderful body. He was glad he talked with her because he knew she was compassionate in addition to being totally hot.

'She's right. I need to deal with this before I can be more than a friend to her.'

Miroku finished his drink and pocketing the card, walked whistling into the night.


	2. Finding Me

_'Why do I always wind up in this situation?'_

Miroku was alone, trying to drown his sorrows in sake. The phone calls from home were more and more frequent. It had reached the point where Miroku dreaded even going home. Finally reaching the end of his rope, he called the phone company and had the phone turned off. It would be a hassle but it was better than the constant harassment.

Feeling claustrophobic in his apartment led Miroku to this restaurant. All he wanted was a dark corner to mull over his life and maybe just let go of the past. So far, he hadn't been successful. Even after meeting Sango, he couldn't find the courage to call her.

_'Maybe I like wallowing in pity. Maybe this is who I am.'_

Recalling their conversation, Miroku knew Sango was right when she told him that he had to face his past in order to move on. But facing his past meant he had to acknowledge the hurt, the betrayal, the lies and Miroku wasn't sure he was ready for that. How could he look the new couple in the eye and be happy for them, when it was his heart that was ripped out? Taking another drink of sake, Miroku endured the burn and hoped it would burn out all of his emotions with it.

Glancing towards the door, Miroku thought his drunken eyes were playing tricks on him. There was Sango and a male companion. He watched as they took a table and ordered. He could tell she was happy. She was smiling and talking with her companion. Suddenly, a wave of jealousy slammed him.

_"She should be with me."_

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Sango's words came back to him,

_"When you can look at me and not be haunted by a ghost, give me a call."_

Sighing Miroku stared into his cup. The ghost of the relationship that was had seeped into every aspect of his life. Unknowingly, he had put his whole life on hold while everyone else moved on.

_'When did everything stop for me? When did I stop living?"_

Looking across the room at Sango, He debated going to her table and greeting her. He realized that he didn't want her to see him like he was now, a broken and bitter shell of a man. Looking at the light dancing across her features made Miroku realize that she deserved more. Someone devoted to her, someone who could keep that sparkling smile on her face. In the deep recesses of his mind, it finally dawned on him that she was willing to give him a chance, whenever HE was ready.

Sparing furtive glances across the room, Sango noticed Miroku in the darkened corner when she entered the restaurant. Still slightly peeved at his lack of phone call, Sango decided to watch and wait. When Kouga called her to come out for dinner, she had almost refused but then she realized that sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring wasn't going to make it better. As she was dressing for her date, Sango realized she was mad with herself for waiting like a lovesick schoolgirl for the phone call that never came.

Miroku's presence was totally unexpected. Sango could see him taking shot after shot of sake. Part of her wanted to go over and stop him but the rational part of her mind realized Miroku had to save himself. It took all of her concentration on Kouga to disregard Miroku but she continued to peek, just to make sure he was ok.

All too soon, dinner was over. Kouga excused himself to the restroom and Sango chanced a glance. To her surprise, Miroku was eating and he no longer had sake on the table. Sango began to smile when she noticed his eyes looked peaceful. She hoped Miroku had made a decision to find solace within himself.

"Are you ready to go?" Kouga startled her with his return.

"Oh yea. You just startled me." As Sango collected her things, she gave one last glance back at Miroku. This time he caught her looking. He gave her a smile and a wink. Sango smiled back and left with Kouga.

'_So she did see me here.'_ Miroku couldn't help but grin. The look on her face showed her concern but he admired the fact that she stayed away.

_'Maybe she could sense I needed to work things out for myself. Smart lady.'_

He caught Sango staring as she left with her friend. He was happy to see that smile directed at him. As he watched her leave the restaurant, for the first time in a long time, hopeful thoughts crossed his mind. Miroku continued to smile. He could feel an unexpected warmth flood his soul.

_'Maybe there is a future for me. Maybe it starts with her.'_


	3. Darkness

"So, do you still love her?"

The question hung in the late evening air. Falling cherry blossoms were hailing the end of spring and the arrival of summer. To Sango, they reminded her of floating pink clouds, blowing away in the wind. Spending the afternoon with Miroku had been their first official 'date' and after several hours together, the conversation had turned to past relationships. The question fell from Sango's lips before she even realized it and now looking at the silent man, she couldn't help but wonder had she somehow offended him.

"I'm sorry, Miroku. Maybe it's too soon to even discuss this with me."

Miroku continued to watch the birds flocking on Cormorant Pond. As birds took flight and cast shadows on the Bentendo temple, Miroku found his voice.

"Don't apologize for the question. You actually caused me to really think before I answered it."

Sango plucked a fallen blossom from the ground. Twirling it in her fingers, Sango regarded the now silent man. One of the things she really liked about Miroku was how his eyes changed to reflect his emotions. They were now the same stormy blue she remembered the first night they met. Never before that moment had Sango ever wished ill on another person. She just wanted to meet the bitch that had practically destroyed this man.

"I didn't mean to dredge up the hurt. I just wanted to know how you really felt."

Miroku looked at the beauty sitting beside him. The concern in her dark eyes was apparent. He suddenly felt the urge to pull her close and just hold her. He realized Sango at least deserved an answer to her question.

"At one time, I would have said yes, wholeheartedly. But after what happened, I know there is a part of me that hates her very soul. I try to keep the blackness of it from eating my soul because then I'll be lost."

Sango reached over and held Miroku's hand. Moving closer to him, she placed her head on his shoulder. Miroku looked at the top of her dark head, grateful for the support and care she was showing with the simple gestures.

"I know it's that black part of me that keeps me from releasing her from the guilt she carries. I know it's that part keeping me from speaking to my former friend and at least accepting his apology. But I can't help it, I hate that bitch right now."

The couple sat in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Miroku had never admitted to anyone, even himself, how he had felt. Everyone just assumed it was all hurt and sorrow. Miroku finally understood, deeper than the hurt and the sorrow, lay the rage and hate for the two people he felt had broken him into tiny pieces.

Sango knew instinctively nothing could be said to remove or placate Miroku's feelings. She understood all too well the pain of betrayal and the things you may never let go. She was holding on to the hope that Miroku could find his heart again.

The sun was shining its last light on the horizon. The first stars were starting to twinkle in the night sky. Miroku had a sudden urge to go dancing. Sitting there actually thinking about how he really felt, instead of drowning everything in sake, permitted him to lighten his emotional burden. Maybe the kamis were trying to show him the light by allowing him to meet Sango.

"Let's go dancing! The night is still young and I can buy you dinner before we hit a night spot."

Sango was shocked at the sudden turn. She felt maybe Miroku would be ready for the day to be over. Sango feared that he wouldn't call her any more after today because she pushed the issue about his ex. A happy shiver went through her at the idea of continuing this date. Before he could change his mind, Sango pounced.

"Yes! I'd love to. Where did you have in mind?"

Miroku stood and help Sango to her feet. As they walked out of the park planning the remainder of the night, Miroku could finally appreciate the beauty of the night. He gave a fleeting thought to maybe; just maybe, a little light was shining on the dark spot in his soul.


	4. Bleeding Love

"Riiing!"

The sound of the phone shattered the deep slumber of Miroku. Arriving home barely before the sunrise, Miroku had only been in bed for a few hours. Climbing from the depths of unconsciousness, Miroku's thoughts wandered back to the most magnificent day he had spent with Sango. The night had been even better, even though it ended with a chaste kiss. Still, that kiss held promise of things to come and momentarily, Miroku forgot the reason he was waking up in the first place.

"Riiing!"

Rolling over, Miroku grabbed the cordless off the nightstand. Good feelings abound, he couldn't help but be cheery as he answered the phone.

"Good Morning. I can't believe you're up already!"

"Miroku?"

At the sound of his name, Miroku felt his heart drop. All the joy he previously felt was instantly gone.

"What do you want?" Miroku couldn't keep the cold hardness out his voice. All the tiny mends on his heart were quickly ripping open, bleeding into his soul. "Haven't you done enough damage to me? Why won't you just leave me alone?" Miroku growled through the phone.

The soft, quiet tones on the other end did nothing to soothe Miroku. Instead, every word continued to bank the flames of his rage.

"Miroku, we need to settle this. I have to know you are ok with this. What can I do to understand how you feel?"

Hot boiling fury propelled Miroku out of the bed. Pacing the floor, Miroku could barely contain himself.

"Ok, Kagome? I will never be ok! Between the two of you, you've managed to destroy any beliefs I had about love, fidelity and loyalty. What can I do to make you feel and understand the hate for you both that has eaten at my soul?"

A lengthy silence followed. Finally, Kagome spoke.

"Miroku, if I could take it all back, I would. But I could never hate you the way you say you hate us. I still have love for you. You were always the one I turned to."

Miroku gave a snort of disbelief. He was incredulous to the fact that Kagome believed the words coming from her mouth. Miroku came to understand at this moment if he never said how he truly felt, this opportunity would never present itself again.

"You know, you want to understand what it would take for me to be ok with the two of you together. Well listen to me good. Hate me! Hate me with every fiber of your being! Then you can feel the black hole that I've become!" The startled gasp on the other end did nothing to end Miroku's tirade.

"Hate me with the same hate you had for me when you fucked my best friend! Hate me with the same hate you had when you stood in front of me and told me you loved him while I stood with an engagement ring for YOU in my hand! Hate me…" Miroku was stunned as he choked on a sob. He took several deep breaths to regain control. He could hear sobbing on the other end and in his angry heart, he was glad. "Hate me with the hate that made you turn your back to me and go to him, knowing that you both had cut out my heart and left it on the floor!"

Choking sobs came pouring through the phone. "Miroku, I never… I never could…"

Miroku sat unceremoniously on the bed. He could feel the unshed tears burning his eyes. An eerie sense of calm permeated his soul. "This is what I want. I want you to hate me, Kagome. No, this is what I need. Maybe then I can let it go. Maybe my heart can realize this is over." Before any comments could be made, Miroku hung up the phone.

"Fuck!"

In a fit of blind fury, he threw the phone against the wall. Flopping back onto the bed, Miroku could barely breathe. His chest was tight and he wanted to scream. Reaching on his nightstand, Miroku grabbed his cell phone. Without thinking, he dialed Sango's number.

"Hello?" A still sleeping Sango mumbled into the phone.

"Sango." At a lost for words, Miroku could only hold the phone. Until she answered, Miroku hadn't thought about what he would say to Sango. He just knew he needed to hear her voice. All the anger had seeped out of him, leaving only a hollow aching inside of him.

"Hearing the pain in that single word, Sango immediately woke up. "Miroku? What happened?"

Miroku gave a long sigh. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called you."

Sango refused to be placated. "I can hear it in your voice. What happened, Miroku?"

Miroku wanted to spill his soul but found the words sticking in his throat. The only thing he could feel was the despair that was washing over his entire being in waves.

"I need to see you. Can you come?" Miroku could feel the relief pouring through him when Sango said she'd be right there. Miroku sat on the bed, unthinking and unemotional, until he heard the doorbell ring. Dragging himself up, he opened the door to Sango's worried eyes.

Sango took one look at Miroku and opened her arms. She could see how very wounded he was. When Miroku stepped to her embrace, Sango hugged him as hard as she could. To her surprise, she could feel hot tears falling from above onto her cheeks. Sango did the only thing she knew to do. She just held Miroku until the tears were over.


	5. Solstice

Sango had never felt exhaustion wrap itself so thoroughly around her before. Every bone in her body ached from the weariness. She had spent a stressful Saturday with Miroku, trying to help him cope with his pain. After receiving a devastating call from his ex-girlfriend, Miroku had called Sango. Arriving at Miroku's place in record time, Sango couldn't believe the man she had come to somewhat care about was on the verge of tears. Holding him in her arms was the only thing Sango had known to do. The phone continued to ring that afternoon but neither she nor Miroku would answer it. Sango knew she had choice words for the errant couple but it was neither the time nor the place. When she finally crawled back into her own bed late Saturday night, Sango could have cried with relief. As she drifted off the sleep, a disturbing thought crossed her mind,

"_Just who am I to Miroku?"_

Before she could process the thought further, Sango fell into the deep blackness of sleep.

"Riiing"

Sango groaned in her sleep. Looking at the clock on the nightstand, Sango saw it was 11:45 a.m. She had slept most of the morning away.

ooOOoo

"Riiing."

Reluctantly, Sango grabbed the phone off the nightstand despite the stronger urge to bury herself back under the covers and sleep the remainder of the day away.

"Hello?"

"Sango, baby! How are you? Get up! You're coming to lunch with me and I won't take no for an answer!" Kouga cheerily pronounced.

Sango was set to decline him but the same thought crossed her mind.

"Just who am I to Miroku? I mean he calls me when he needs me but am I just the rebound girl? Should I continue to explore my options and date until I find out? Do I wait on him to get his head together?"

Sango was quiet for so long that when Kouga started calling her name, it startled her.

"I'm sorry, Kouga. I got distracted. I tell you what, give me thirty minutes to shower and change."

ooOOoo

Sango had to admit she was impressed with the restaurant Kouga chose. It was an American-style café and she was always curious about new things. Lunch was amicable with Kouga piling on complements and hints about maybe taking their relationship beyond the friend stage. Looking into Kouga's blue eyes, Sango had to acknowledge to herself it just wasn't the same. She found herself wistfully comparing their eyes. Kouga's eyes were cornflower blue, the blue of a cold winter's sky. Sango thought about Miroku's midnight blue eyes when he was happy, the stormy blue they took on when he was angry or the muddled gray blue they became when he was hurt.

"This has to stop. I can't keep comparing the two of them. It's not fair to either."

Kouga finally decided to press the issue. Sango had been distracted the entire time they were at lunch and had barely reacted to the idea of them moving into the next stage of their relationship.

"Sango, what's on your mind? You haven't really been here the whole time."

Lurching her mind back into the here and now, Sango debated on how much to tell Kouga. Finally, she figured the truth was the best thing to do.

"Well, you know we haven't been exclusive. I've been out a couple of times with another guy…it just started really. I don't think I'd be doing either of you a favor by making any type of commitment just yet."

Kouga sat back in his chair. Sango expected him to be angry or try to persuade her to reconsider but his silent contemplation tap-danced on her nerves. After a few minutes, Kouga broke the silence.

"What's his name?"

Sango gave a ghost of a smile. "Miroku."

Kouga noted the smile but kept his face blank. He realized he would have true competition for Sango's affections.

"Hopefully, this Miroku is a worthy opponent. I won't be cast aside so easily."

Sango blushed but before she could reply, they were interrupted.

"Kouga! What are you doing here?"

Kouga stood up and vigorously shook the man's hand. "Inuyasha! Didn't expect to see you in the big city. What brings you in?"

Inuyasha glanced at Sango. "Just came to take care of some business. I didn't mean to interrupt your romantic lunch."

Shaking his head, Kouga pulled over a chair from another table. "Not at all. If anything, we were laying some ground rules."

Inuyasha sat down, looking quizzically at Sango. After introductions, Kouga explained what he meant. Sango was surprised by the hard stare given to her by Inuyasha after Kouga mentioned Miroku's name. She tried to meet his gaze but it felt as if his amber eyes were trying to read her thoughts. Sango couldn't help but frown at the sudden interest Inuyasha was taking in her. She half listened as they talked about trivial things, her thoughts drifting back to Miroku. She couldn't help but wonder how Miroku would feel about being in a competition he knew nothing about or even asked to be in.

"For all I know, he just sees me as a friend and hadn't even considered me as anything else. Maybe he's hoping his old girlfriend will dump the guy and come crawling back to him."

The idea of possibly being relegated to only friend status with Miroku caused a twinge in her heart and suddenly Sango felt tears well up in her eyes. Hurriedly she grabbed a napkin to blot her face, as both demons looked her, noticing the smell of her tears. Kouga gently touched her hand.

"Are you ok?"

Sango gave a smile to dissuade them from thinking anything was wrong. "My lash fell in my eye. Let me go to the ladies room and take care of it." Sango left the table, feeling both pairs of eyes burning holes in her back.

Once in the relative safety of the ladies room, Sango washed her face and stared in the mirror. "Have you lost your mind? Crying around demons? What is with the tears?" The ring of her cell phone startled Sango. Looking at the caller ID, she was relieved to see it was Miroku.

"Hi!"

"You sound glad to hear from me. I would have called earlier but I wanted to let you sleep in." She could hear Miroku smile through the phone. For some reason, the thought of him with a smile on his face made her heart sing.

Sango found herself smiling at the phone. "Well, a friend woke me up and dragged me to lunch, so you could have called anyway."

Miroku chuckled. "Well, I want to thank you for last night. I was thinking of coming over with takeout and some movies. I know it's a cheap date but I figure a nice quiet night in maybe just what the doctor ordered."

Sango readily agreed and after a few moments, ended the call. Returning to the table, Koga gave her a bright smile but Inuyasha still gave her penetrating stares. Unnerved by his intensity, Sango was ready for this afternoon to be over.

ooOOoo

Later that night, Sango and Miroku laughed over takeout udon and a comedy rental. As the credits rolled on the movie, Sango moved to clean up the boxes. Miroku grabbed her hand and pulled her back down to the couch.

"Can I just thank you again for yesterday?"

Sango found herself drowning in the midnight pools of his eyes. Speechless, she could only nod her approval. Miroku leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss. Sango looked at Miroku and smiled. He began to kiss her again, this time deeply. Finally, breathless, the two broke apart. Sango took a deep breath. Now was the time to come clean before things went to far.

"I need to let you know something." Sango looked at Miroku. He watched her with patient eyes. Sango got the distinct impression her revelation was not going to be one to him. "You know I'm still dating Kouga, the guy you saw me out with?"

Miroku gave a slow smile. "I know. I would expect no less. Does he know about his competition?"

Sango tilted her head, surprise evident on her face. "You know?"

Miroku's eyes danced with the merriment caused by Sango's look of surprise. "Of course." He leaned closer to her, his voice low and enthralling. "You are a beautiful woman. I would expect you to have many suitors." He placed his hand on her cheek. "Let Kouga know I will not go down without a fight."

Sango felt herself beginning to lose her train of thought as she held Miroku's gaze. Those calm midnight pools had changed into something totally different. Sango could see the beginnings of desire creeping into his eyes. A blush quickly burned across her face as she thought about herself in a compromising position with Miroku.

A totally male gleam came across Miroku's face when Sango picked up on Miroku's thoughts. Leaning into her ear, he planted a gentle kiss and whispered.

"I won't go down without a fight"


	6. Dreams

A/N: Written for un_love_you comm prompt # 3 "This cancels out the hurt."

Summary - Miroku begins to see past the hurt and the possibility of a future

* * *

Most nights he dreamed.

Of dark hair and hurtful eyes.

Of words that cut and his heart was the one that would bleed.

He could hear the echo of the words.

"_I don't love you any more."_

For the longest time, they rattled in his soul, expanding until there was no room for hope, no room for love.

Miroku thought his soul was black, a void without any chance of being closed.

But some how the dreams changed…

Watching Sango as she crossed the crowded nightspot, Miroku felt for the first time maybe, she was the key. Everywhere he had felt darkness, she had begun to replace it with light. She had shown him that love still existed in the world and maybe there was a chance for him to have all his hurt taken away. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt happiness before Sango had come along. It had taken awhile but Miroku had come to realize he deserved a chance at happiness. It was time to cancel out the hurt.

But Miroku also knew, until his past was reconciled, it would keep intruding on his future. As Sango took her seat beside him, she gave him a brilliant smile. Miroku returned the smile and, covering her hand with his, made a vow to deal with his past so he could have a future.


	7. Whisper

Written for un_love_you comm on LJ. Prompt used was #18 - "I Pity You."

* * *

Sango often dreamed.

Of love and honor.

Of passion and peace.

He appeared before her with stormy blue eyes and a passionate heart, wrapped in a cocoon of hurt. In her dreams, she unwrapped the bindings and took all the hurt away.

"_But is it enough to dream?"_

She knew she wanted to be there for him. Sango understood people sometimes fall in and out of love but she thought the bonds of loyalty to be stronger. Sango couldn't accept the idea of the betrayal by his best friend. She knew in order for Miroku to heal, he would have to confront the source of his greatest pain, the duplicity of his friend.

She ached for Miroku sometimes. Sango knew sometimes she wanted more from him than maybe he was ready to give. She pitied him for the pain he was going through and the pain he would have to go through to come out clean on the other side.

Sango knew Miroku wouldn't understand the empathy. He'd see it as mocking and push her away.

"_Don't make me leave."_

Even out with Kouga, Miroku consumed her thoughts. There was so much more about him Sango wanted to know. She wanted to see glimpse of the man she sometimes saw behind the rawness of his anguish. Sango wanted the pity to stop creeping into her thoughts. Miroku was so much more to her than a being to be pitied. He deserved to be cared for and cherished.

"_But does he want me to be the one to cherish him?"_

Sango sighed and hung her head. More than anything, she wanted to find this friend. She would be by Miroku's side if he needed her to be but she was ready for this to be over.

"_Until this is done, I just can't see what the future can be."_

And Sango was ready to take a peek into the future.


	8. Hazy Shade of Winter

Written for un_love_you prompt #22 - I hate myself.

Miroku is taking a look in the mirror and he is not pleased with what he is seeing!

Thanks so much to everyone who has taken the time to read and review! You guys are awesome!

* * *

Sometimes, Miroku had to question his sanity. Soon after meeting Sango, he realized he had existed in his own time loop. Nothing had moved forward or backwards; his life had stood still. Miroku had known and acknowledged his hatred for Inuyasha and Kagome. In the beginning he hated them. He hated them for the deception and the lies. He hated them for the heartache and the subsequent numbness that had permeated his life and ate at his soul. He hated them for being able to move on with each other while he stood still.

After his confrontation with Kagome, Miroku realized he had some more owning up to do. As his feelings of hate for the deceptive couple began to wan, his own personal hatred grew.

"_How did I allow myself to become so bitter?" _

That was often the question that crossed his mind. As he began to emerge from the funk that had buried him through the winter, Miroku saw how far he had sank. He could not believe how much power he had allowed to be taken from him. The fact that he left his home only reinforced in Miroku's mind the low levels he had reached.

"_I ran like a coward."_

But facing the pity and humiliation in a small village would have been too much. Miroku could envision it now: eyes looking at him, full of sorrow for the incident. Whispers behind his back about how Kagome and Inuyasha had been seeing each other and everyone had been aware but him.

When he reflected back, Miroku hated himself for not knowing, for not seeing the signs. The loathing that threatened to poison him was aimed at his blindness for not wanting to see the signs.

"_For believing the words that came out of her lying mouth."_

"_For believing Inuyasha when he said I was like a brother."_

"_For allowing them to stab me in the back."_

"_For believing that either of them ever loved me."_

"Does love always mean betrayal? How could you know the truth? Even with commitment, there was always the chance of being hurt. Do I even want to risk it again?"

Miroku wasn't sure if he could handle being hurt again

"_Would I even have my sanity or would it just snap like a twig in the storm?"_

Miroku know he could only allow this self-hatred to consume him momentarily. It was too easy to fall back into the pit of darkness. The dark could not have any more of him. Sango was trying to reach him with her light and he was determined to move forward. Miroku wasn't sure what to think any more. Maybe a plea to a higher power was needed. Dressing quickly, Miroku decided to go to the temple of Sensō-ji. Maybe Guan Yin would take favor and grant him mercy.

Stepping out into the evening, a fleeting thought entered Miroku's mind. It came from his old uncle, Mushin. Mushin was a monk and a drunk but he had a good heart and he often gave Miroku sound advice. Miroku could hear Mushin's voice echoing inside his head.

"Sometime, divine intervention is needed. Other times, you just need to see the light."


	9. Easier Said Than Done

Written for un_love_you comm, prompt number 2 "I was wrong about you."

A/N: Ama means broad (female) in japanese.

* * *

Inuyasha stood outside of Sango's office building. He had been watching her for several days and knew her daily schedule. Sango was due out of the building for lunch any minute. He hated being a stalker but he really needed to talk with her alone.

When Koga mentioned that Sango was also seeing someone named Miroku, Inuyasha knew it couldn't be a coincidence. He had been searching for Miroku for six months. It was almost as if he dropped off the face of the earth. To hear Miroku's name by happenstance led Inuyasha to believe maybe there would be a way to make amends.

Inuyasha didn't have a clue what he would say to Miroku. He felt guilty for falling in love with Kagome and at the same moment, ripping out the heart of his best friend. Inuyasha knew he had destroyed the man Miroku once was and Inuyasha would carry that pain around with him forever.

Inuyasha didn't know if he would ever be ready to accept the possibility of no forgiveness from Miroku. After the disastrous breakup, Inuyasha went to Miroku's house to see him, to beg forgiveness and attempt to make him understand. He was horrified to find sutras place along the property, preventing him from entering. Inuyasha had known Miroku was spiritually trained but he hadn't realized how strong his friend truly was. When he returned the following day, Inuyasha discovered the sutras and Miroku gone.

ooOOoo

Sango came out into the bright sunshine, thrilled to leave her claustrophobic office. It was lunchtime on a beautiful spring day and what Sango really wanted to do was lounge in the park. Lost in her own thoughts, it took her a moment to see him. At the sight of silver hair, Sango nearly stopped in her tracks. She recognized him as Koga's friend, Inuyasha.

"_Why is he here?"_

There was no doubt in Sango's mind that he was waiting for her. Continuing to walk to him, she noted he followed her movements every step of the way. When she reached Inuyasha, she looked up into beautiful golden eyes. This close, Sango could see the signs of sleepless nights etched into his face. Wondering what could be causing his distress, Sango simply stood, silently waiting for him to state his business.

"We need to talk."

Sango looked at him warily.

"About what?"

Looking around, Inuyasha realized they were attracting attention just standing there.

"Look, I have something to discuss with you and I'd prefer to do it privately instead of out in the open."

Glancing around, Sango some of the curious stares of her coworkers. Rolling her eyes, Sango began walking down sidewalk. Inuyasha watched as she strode away. He shook his head and ran to catch up with her.

After settling in a small ramen shop and ordering lunch, they both sat silently appraising each other. Inuyasha could see what Miroku saw in Sango. He could tell from previous encounters that she was beautiful and smart woman. He could tell she was passionate as well. Even though Miroku wouldn't want to hear him say it, Inuyasha thought he had made a good choice.

Sango watch Inuyasha sizing her up. The few times she had seen him with Koga, she had noted his amber eyes and the silver hair. True, he was handsome but there was something hidden about him. Sango could see a haunted look enter his eyes every now and then. She wondered who had done something to him or had he done something to someone?

The appraisal was broken by the arrival of their food. After a few mouthfuls, Inuyasha finally broke the silence.

"We have a mutual friend."

Sango stared at Inuyasha for a moment.

"You mean Koga? Did he send you here to dump me?"

Sango felt the heat rise in her face at the idea of being dumped by proxy. Inuyasha held in a smile. Looking at the crimson-faced woman sitting across from him, he had to agree with his earlier assessment: Sango was fiery and passionate. He just hoped Miroku knew what he was getting into. He realized Koga didn't stand a chance with her. He wanted to be in charge too much and Sango didn't seem like the type to be bossed around.

"No, I mean Miroku."

Sango knew she sat gaping like a fish. She had never heard Miroku mention Inuyasha's name before. Why would Inuyasha assume that she knew who he was?

"I think you are mistaken. Miroku has never mentioned you before. How do you know him? Are we even talking about the same person?"

Inuyasha took another bite of his noodles to stall for time. He had just assumed that Miroku had told her the whole sordid tale. Not knowing how much Sango knew meant Inuyasha had to tread cautiously.

"We are speaking of Yonai Miroku, are we not?"

A frown crossed Sango's face. If this person was such a good friend of Miroku's, why hadn't he mentioned him? "Yes, it seems we are. Again, how do you know Miroku?"

Inuyasha chose his words carefully. He knew what he was going to tell Sango was going to allow him to see that fire in her first hand.

"At one time, Miroku and I were close. We were as close as brothers. I thought we'd be best friends until the end of time. But I did something so horrible to him that ruined our friendship."

Realization cut through Sango's brain. Her chopsticks clattered to the floor as she stood up.

"It's you! You are the bastard who cut out his heart. How dare you come to me and ask about him!" Sango turned to walk away. Inuyasha reached out and grabbed her arm. Sango suddenly found she was pinned against Inuyasha's chest by his strong grip. She knew it would be futile to struggle so she just glared at him.

Inuyasha could feel the waves of rage pouring off Sango. He had known if she really cared about Miroku, she'd be angry and he had been right. What he hadn't anticipated was handling Sango while she was in such a state.

"I want you to hear me out!" Inuyasha spoke quietly in her ear.

Sango looked at him incredulously. Surely, he couldn't be serious.

"Why should I? I already know that you are a liar and you have no loyalty. Why should I think anything coming out of your mouth would be the truth?"

Wounded by the truthful accusations, Inuyasha could not respond for a moment. Sango could actually see the pain flit across his face before he hid it behind a mask of indifference. Closing his eyes for a moment, Inuyasha took a deep breath.

"Look, let me just tell you what I have to say. If you don't agree, you can walk away and forget about me. I'll figure out what to do myself."

Sango continued to shoot daggers at Inuyasha for a moment. In spite of her anger, she was curious to see what Inuyasha had to say for himself.

"Make it fast and make it good. I have to get back to work."

As she and Inuyasha sat back down, he asked, "Do you need new chopsticks?"

Sango rolled her eyes at him and pushed the bowl of ramen away. "I suddenly lost my appetite."

OoOOoo

Miroku couldn't understand how he allowed Hachi to convince him to come all the way downtown for lunch. Hachi was one of the few friends Miroku had made in the city, and in the case of Hachi, it was because Hachi refused to take 'no' for an answer. It was a bearutiful day and lunch out was just the ticket to spring fever.

Hachi stopped on the sidewalk to speak with an acquaintace. Taking in the scenery around him, Miorku felt his heart stop at the scene in front of him as he looked in a ramen shop window. Sango with Inuyasha. She was crushed against his chest, staring into his eyes. After a brief exchange, they both sat down. Miroku stood frozen, oblivious to everything around him.

"_No. Not again."_

Miroku wasn't sure how long he stood there before Sango became aware of being watched. Surprise then shock danced across her face. She turned and spoke to Inuyasha and Miroku saw the same emotions move across his face, too. When Sango stood up, suddenly Miroku could move again. By this time, Hachi was saying good bye to his friend. Miroku walked up to him quickly.

"Let's go."

Hachi frowned. He could tell that Miroku was anxious about something. As they began walking down the sidewalk, Hachi quizzed Miroku.

"Hey, what's up?"

Miroku looked back. He just hoped that he and Hachi made it to the rail station in case Sango and Inuyasha decided to follow. Putting on his irritated face, he sought to placate Hachi.

"Oh, it was nothing. Just saw someone I really didn't want to talk to."

Hachi gave a smirking grin. Elbowing Miroku, he began to laugh.

"Oh, I get it. It was just some ama."

Feeling his soul darken little by little, Miroku replied,

"Yea, just some ama."


	10. Epiphany

Written for un_love_you prompt # 14 -"I'm awake and you're still breathing."

Thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed Absolution. I thank you so much for your kind words and support!

* * *

It had been a week. Miroku wouldn't return her phone calls nor would he answer his door. Sango had gone from upset to furious. She felt she at least deserved to explain what was Miroku had seen. It didn't help that Kouga was being smug on top of everything else, acting as if he had won a prize. Times like this made Sango wish the world were free of men and their sissy drama.

It didn't make her feel any better that she finally relented to meet Inuyasha again after their disastrous first meeting. She still didn't know how Inuyasha expected her to help him mend the past with Miroku when Miroku wasn't even talking to her. Sango had to wonder did she have a tattoo that only the needy could see on her forehead. SOMETHING had to be going on to draw all of these emotionally destitute people to her.

"_Do I look like a fucking miracle worker?"_

That thought rang constantly through her mind as she paced back and forth in the park. The air was beginning to swell with the heat of summer. Soon it would be too hot to spend afternoons in the park but as the last of spring began to breathe its last cool breaths, Sango had to admit it was a lovely day.

"_It would be better appreciated with Miroku."_

A sigh escaped her lips as Sango faced facts. She missed Miroku. The week of not seeing or talking to him felt like a lifetime. She missed his presence and his kisses. Sango was still furious with him but that didn't stop the longing. In some ways, she could understand how Miroku felt about seeing her and Inuyasha together. But understanding didn't make it easier.

Looking across the park, Sango could make out the shining hair of Inuyasha. He was moving quickly and he was not alone. As they got closer, Sango could make out a petite, dark-haired girl with him. Sango felt her mouth drop open.

"_Oh my goodness! He did not bring her!"_

Sango could hardly believe it. Here she was meeting the ex-girlfriend and the ex-friend. What was that all about? Sango was tempted to turn and run from the park but two things stopped her. One, Inuyasha could easily catch her; two, she was actually intrigued by what excuse they could offer up to make this whole sordid mess "better".

Sango could feel her anger flaring up again, this time for Miroku. No one who had done what these two had done had any right to be happy. She could see the love in their eyes for each other and that just made her anger burn hotter. The idea that they destroyed Miroku for their own selfish feeling made Sango want to lash out at them first then at Miroku for being an idiot and turning her away.

ooOOoo

Inuyasha could feel the rage pouring off Sango. He didn't want to bring Kagome with him to meet Sango but Kagome had insisted. She wanted to meet the person Miroku was seeing. Inuyasha knew it was the guilt; he too wanted to see Miroku happy again. Inuyasha knew he had fucked things up badly with Sango and Miroku but he had been hoping that everything was ok between them.

He felt Kagome squeeze his hand. Looking down into her peaceful blue-gray eyes, Inuyasha couldn't stop the stab of guilt that tore through him. He had sacrificed everything to be with her and Inuyasha knew he had to at least try to make things right with Miroku if it meant a chance for he and Kagome to have peace.

ooOOoo

"Sango."

"Inuyasha."

Sango, let me introduce…" but before Inuyasha could finish, Sango interrupted with a wave of her hand.

"Look, I didn't come here to play nice and to meet the family. What do you want with me so I can go back to my life?"

Kagome gasped at Sango's rudeness, but she understood. Sango cared for Miroku and they were the people that hurt Miroku. Kagome knew Sango saw no reason to be polite to them. Kagome heard Inuyasha growl but she squeezed his hand and shook her head.

"Sango, I can understand why you may not care for us, but we just want a chance to try and patch things up with Miroku."

Sango looked at Kagome as if she had grown two heads.

"Patch things up? You mean assuage your guilt? What could you possibly do to make this anywhere near right?"

Sango then turned her hard gaze to Inuyasha. Inwardly, he flinched at the anger directed at him.

"You were his best friend. He called you his brother and this is how you show loyalty? This is how you show brotherhood? You took the woman he loved. Did she even tell you he proposed to her that night? Did she even tell you that she rejected his proposal by telling him she was in love with you?"

Inuyasha turned to Kagome. Taking in her eyes filled with tears, Inuyasha shook his head.

"Kagome, why didn't you tell me? I would have never…"

Kagome dropped her head. For a long moment, she simply stood with tears pouring down her face.

"I didn't want to make you feel any worse than you already felt."

Inuyasha raked his hands through his hair.

"Dammit, Kagome! No wonder he hates us even more. He hadn't told me he was proposing. Why didn't that bastard tell me?"

Sango snorted. "Maybe because he wanted to surprise you like he surprised her."

Sango eyed the pair standing before her. It seemed the mess they made kept getting bigger and bigger. Sango couldn't help but wonder what other fallout had they had from what they had done. They seemed to be trying really hard to be happy but Sango could see the strain.

"I don't know what you expect me to do. Miroku is his own man and he had made up his own mind about the two of you." Sango wistfully sighed. "Sometimes, I think he has made his mind up about the whole human race because of you two."

Kagome wiped tears from her face. "We didn't mean for it to happen like this."

Sango just shook her head. "Yet, it happened. Miroku is destroyed and from where I stand, you two aren't much better."

A shadow of a smile crossed Inuyasha's face. He was amazed at how perceptive Sango was being. Things had been hard between him and Kagome. The guilt both of them felt was in the process of destroying the relationship they were working hard to have. Inuyasha felt even worse. He had known Miroku all of his life. They had fought for and with each other. Miroku had always had his back and to repay him in the worse way possible only ate at Inuyasha day after day.

"I just want to talk to him. At this point, I don't expect his forgiveness. I just have some things I need to say to him."

Sango shook her head in exasperation. What really made Inuyasha think that Miroku wanted to speak to him? She knew if she were Miroku, she wouldn't believe a word out of his lying mouth.

"I'm not making any promises."

Inuyasha simply nodded. "I'm not asking you to."

Sango glanced at the dejected couple again and giving a half-hearted wave, turned and walked away. Sango was going straight to Miroku's. They needed to talk and not about Inuyasha. It was time to get some clarity. Sango was sick of being in the middle of some sort of Shakespearean drama and it was time to get off the ride. To his credit, Sango had to admit to herself, Miroku had never tried to drag her into it but that damned Inuyasha had to pull her in by her hair.

By the time, Sango reached Miroku's apartment, the anger had returned. Banging loudly on Miroku's door, she finally gained admittance. The shock of seeing Miroku's state penetrated through her anger. He was disheveled and drunk. The fact that he was drinking again only served to resurrect Sango's angry. Walking around the apartment, she collected bottles of sake and took them to the hallway compactor. Wrinkling her nose at Miroku in passing, she went straight to his bathroom, first turning on the shower then filling the bath. Ignoring his protests, she pushed his drunken self under the cold shower fully clothed. As he yelled from the coldness of the water, Sango peeled the shirt and pants from him and ordered him to take off his undies. Once he was naked, she pushed him towards the tub.

"You sit in there and soak until you are sober. We have some things to get straight tonight and you need to be sober to hear this."

Turning on her heel, Sango walked out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. All Miroku could do was gulp and sink into the water.


	11. I Remember

Written for un_love_you prompt number #23 "You remind me of me" The song lyrics used are "So Sick" by Ne-Yo. I don't profit from Inuyasha or from Ne-Yo.

* * *

Miroku entered his dimly lit living room. The words of the song 'So Sick' flowed around him drawing him into the room. He had listened to this song so many times, trying to banish thoughts of Kagome from his mind when their relationship ended. He thought he was over all this grief but it felt like everything was starting all over again. Watching the quiet girl on the couch, he couldn't help but wonder where did they go from here.

Sango sat on the couch, her eyes closed. She was aware of Miroku's presence but she chose to ignore him and instead let the meaning of the music surge through her.

_And I'm so sick of love songs  
So tired of tears  
So done with wishing you were still here  
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow  
So why can't I turn off the radio?_

"The story of your life?"

Sango opened her dark eyes. Miroku stood just beyond the edge of the light, his eyes dark and unreadable. His hair was slick from his face, still damp from the impromptu shower. When Sango discovered the cd in his collection, somehow she instantly knew, this was the one track Miroku listened to over and over again. Patting the seat beside her, Sango invited Miroku to sit next to her.

Miroku gave a gentle half-smile. "In many ways, yes."

Taking the seat beside Sango, suddenly, Miroku was nervous. They sat in silence as the song continued to play. As it ended, Miroku turned to see Sango with tears in her eyes. The only thing he could think to do was pull her close. Miroku felt his tension ease as he felt Sango relax against him. After a moment, Sango scrubbed her face with her hands and sat back up. Mumbling, she offered an apology.

"I'm sorry. I'm afraid it brought up some things for me, too."

Miroku nodded. "What can I do to make things better between us?"

Sango sighed as the next song began to say. Giving a slight laugh, she turned to Miroku.

"What is this, the all depression mix on your cd player? You would have the most angsty songs playing"

Miroku smiled. "It served a purpose at the time. You haven't answered my question."

Sango sighed again. She knew what she had to say wasn't going to be easy but it was now or never.

"When we first met, I told you when you stop seeing ghosts give me a call. I vowed a long time ago not to deal with anyone who hadn't dealt with their own past. I know I can't ask you to turn it off but at the same time, damn, why am I in the middle of something I wanted no part of in the first place?"

Miroku hung his head. "It was never my intention to have you in the middle of all of this."

Reaching over to touch his cheek, Sango lifted his face. "I know but here we are."

Looking into Sango's deep chocolate eyes, Miroku realized he'd do anything to make her pain go away.

"I don't know how to make you understand my feelings about the whole thing."

Sango's face became a mask for a moment. "Let me tell you a story."

Standing, Sango began pacing. No one she knew since moving to Tokyo knew the story of how she came to be in the city in the first place.

"I was in love. We were to be married. What I didn't know that he had never gotten over his ex. I met him after they had been broken up for well over a year. She dumped him and moved away to be with her new love."

Sango heard Miroku gasp. Refusing to look at him, she continued her story.

"Six months before the wedding, she came back to town, unbeknownst to me. All the time we were planning and preparing for our life together, he began to see her again. First as friends, I don't know when it changed."

Taking a deep breath, Sango swallowed hard before continuing.

"A week before the wedding, he came to me. He loved me but he wasn't in love with me anymore. She was back and he felt like he had to give their relationship a chance. He needed to see what could it be."

Sango snorted. "Surely I could understand that, he said. He left it to me to notify everyone that the wedding was cancelled. I've never been so hurt, so humiliated in my life. Do you understand why I can't play this game with you? I knew when you called the first time, you hadn't reconciled your past but I wanted to get to know you anyway."

Sitting down with a plop beside Miroku, Sango continued. "Now I've broken my own vow and on top of everything, I've gone and done the one thing I wish I hadn't done."

Placing her head in her hands, Sango willed herself not to cry. When Miroku touched her arm, Sango flinched away. After all the kick-ass theatrics of earlier, crying would do no good. Sango was, to some extent, glad when Miroku ignored her and pulled her to his chest. Something about being there just felt so right to her, even as she tried to resist the temptation of being too comfortable. After a few moments composing herself, Sango spoke softly.

"You see, I understand, better than you know. The difference is I had to confront my worse pain and move on. You refuse to do so. Everything is moving on around you, Miroku, yet you are stuck in that one moment in time."

Still holding Sango, Miroku could feel the pain building in his heart.

"I tried, but it hurts too much."

Sango turned so she could look into Miroku's eyes. They were swirling different shades of blue and she could see the pain shimmering on the surface of them.

"Sweetie, it's time. The three of you are trapped in this cycle of guilt, hurt and rage. All of you will be destroyed unless one of you is willing to walk away. Miroku, let it be you."

They sat in silence on the couch as the stereo continued playing selections. Sango wasn't sure how much time had passed before Miroku broke the silence.

"For so long my life revolved around them. She was my love. He was my best friend. No, he was more than that. He was my brother. We grew up together. I would have laid down my life for him. I don't even know if how I feel is wrapped up in how Kagome treated me or how Inuyasha treated me. All I know is while what Kagome did hurt, the fact that the betrayal was with Inuyasha cut me to my heart."

Sango tightened her hold on Miroku as he spoke. She somehow knew that he was admitting things to her that he hadn't even admitted to himself. Sango knew that Miroku had to cut through all of the painful scars and remove the infection before he could begin to heal. After stopping for a few moments, Miroku began to speak again.

"I thought leaving would solve my problems. Instead, it just seems everything just imploded. Sango, I just want this to be over. I'm so ready to have my life back. I know I couldn't have anything to do with them again but I'm not going to lie, I miss my friend. I think by not dealing with him, I just avoided the inevitable end of our friendship. I could never face him as friend. I look at him and all I see is deceit. I could never trust him again."

Miroku sighed into Sango's hair. "Stay with me tonight, Sango."

As Sango pulled back and gave Miroku a searing glare, he hurriedly clarified.

"I didn't mean anything hentai. I just rather not be by myself tonight."

Sango thought about it for a moment.

"Alright, Miroku but at the first sign of you being a lecher, I'm leaving!"

Miroku smiled. It was an innocent, boyish smile that didn't fool Sango in the least.

"For you, Sango dearest, anything."


	12. A Different Corner

Written for un_love_you. Prompt used - # 15 "This is my desperation in action."

* * *

Breathing in the quiet morning air from her chair on Miroku's tiny patio, Sango could hear the sounds of the city awakening. She had no intention of confronting Miroku but the indignation she felt at Inuyasha and Kagome manifested itself to include him. After the fireworks and revelations, she was surprised how long they lay awake and just talked. It felt good to be held, to be able to enjoy the closeness without any other expectations. Sango could slowly feel herself sliding down the slippery slope of no return and, for a brief instant, she panicked.

For a long time after she had awakened, she had simply sat on the floor by the bed, watching him sleep. His face was so peaceful in repose; all the troubles gone in the abyss of slumber. She wished she could have met him at the time he had always worn that face. She would have loved to know the openhearted flirt. He appeared every now and then, but Sango knew Miroku kept that version of himself barricaded behind a wall of pain and anger.

Sango had already made the mistake of letting him into her life; now he was slowly attempting to make his way into her heart. She knew how it felt to be made a fool of by the one you loved. That made her determined to never put herself in that position again. She was well aware of the fact that Miroku cared for her, but she need to be sure. Now he was so wounded, Sango couldn't trust her heart to know if he'd ever find his way back to love. She wanted him too, but he had to love himself again first.

She sighed and caught the stray tear that trekked down her cheek. She knew this was going to be hard, but she was desperate. One of them had to be strong, and Sango felt it had to be her. Walking away from Miroku was the hardest thing she had done in a long time, but until he was certain, Sango couldn't put her heart on the line any more. It just hurt too much. She was willing to turn away, never to return, if Miroku wasn't able to reconcile his past.

She knew the risk was great that this could be it between them, but it was a chance that had to be taken. Sango didn't want to compete with his past for his affections. She wanted all of him. But now, she realized, it was too soon for him. Last night made her realized that she was only serving as a barrier between Miroku, Inuyasha, and Kagome. She would not continue to stand in the way. It was time for them face each other and deal with the anger, hurt, and guilt that was lodged so deep in each of their souls. They were the only ones who could offer absolution to one another.

Knowing what Miroku was getting ready to face made Sango's heart ache. She was so afraid for him; fearful that he would go back to that dark place she found him, but it had to be his choice to fight the dark and go into the light. It was time for her to let him go and for him to fight his own battle. Returning to the bedroom, she could feel the tears burning her eyes again. She wanted to do nothing more than to crawl back in bed beside the peacefully sleeping man and allow the cozy warmth to feed the pretense that everything was okay. Instead, she remained frozen, dreading the moment to come.

As if he could feel the weight of her decision, Miroku stirred on the bed. Missing the warmth of Sango's body, his eyes popped open, searching for her. Surprise was evident in his face as he noticed her standing beside in the door, watching him. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, Miroku sat up in the bed. He could see the worry and determination etched into her face. For some unexplained reason, he suddenly felt his heart drop.

"Sango? What's wrong? Is everything alright?"

Sango shook her head. Looking into his deep blue eyes, her eyes finally released the tears she had been holding back. Joining him on the bed, Sango held his hand tightly. Before she could lose her resolve, she began.

"Things are not alright. Miroku, we need to talk."


	13. Foolish Heart

Written for un_love_you. Prompt number 10 - I'm Broken

* * *

Sango soon discovered that time really didn't heal all wounds. She missed Miroku but pride wouldn't allow her to call him and she wasn't really surprised that he hadn't called her at all. Late at night, as sleep alluded her, she kept seeing Miroku's face as she told him of her decision that fateful morning…

"_I think we need to stop step back from this. Until you resolve your issues, I think having me around only complicates things."_

_Miroku stared at her blankly; the last vestiges of sleep leaving him._

"_How can you say that?"_

_She stood up from the bed and began pacing._

"_Do you think this is easy for me. I've spent all night thinking about this!"_

_The silence lasted for an uncomfortable amount of time._

"_You! You! You!" Miroku suddenly raged. "It's all you!" _

_Sango cringed as she saw Miroku's eyes grow hard and cold. Her heart began to race as Miroku left the bed and began to walk towards her. Clad only in sleep pants, she could fully see the flush of anger over his body. Before she could say anything, he had grabbed by the upper arm and started pulling her out of his room._

"_Miroku! What are you doing?" Sango cried as she struggled with the viselike grip he held her in, barely keeping her feet under her as she was dragged down the hall to the front door. He stopped long enough to grab her bag and shoes. Flinging open the door, Miroku tossed the items in the hall. Pulling Sango close to him, his cold eyes swept over her face._

"_Stay away from me. I'm sick of people playing games with my life. This was the last time it'll ever happen."_

_Sango tried to reason with him. "But I wasn't…"_

_Miroku pushed her gently but firmly out the apartment. Stunned to find herself there, she could only stared wide-eyed at the man across the threshold. Her heart cracked at the hurt that flitted across his face seconds before it returned to a cold, impersonal mask. Words clogged her throat and her eyes began to burn._

_Miroku could feel himself going numb. There was no more pain, just a ball of ice forming where his heart used to reside. Watching the woman in the hallway, Miroku felt a vague twinge of regret._

"_You know, I can't help but wonder if you figured out the reasons why __**you're**__ running."_

_She could only watch as he closed the door. The tears began as she heard the sound of the locks sliding into place. Slowly she picked up her bag and slid on her shoes. This hadn't gone like she planned…_

Sighing, Sango got up and dressed for work. It was Friday and it had been a soul-sucking week. She was grateful that things had been so busy in the office these past two weeks that she really didn't have time to think about Miroku during the day.

"_You can't be a fool again, Sango."_ She kept reminding herself but what could she do to appease the little voice in the back of her mind? It kept calling her out and forcing the truth on her in the middle of the night.

"_When did you become a coward?"_

Turning up the music to her ipod, Sango drowned out the nagging voice in her head. However, it seemed even the kamis were conspiring against her. Every song that came on spoke of love and being there through thick and thin. In frustration, she threw the ipod across her office, cringing as it smacked into the wall. She knew it was only two o'clock but she could no longer bear being in the office. Barely keeping the growl out of her voice, Sango buzzed her assistant and let her know that she was going home. Before the poor girl could respond, Sango slammed the phone down, grabbed her things and left out through the conference room door, trying to avoid any of her coworkers. She felt snappish and knew that she'd take it out on the innocent.

'All I need is a quiet ride and some peace and maybe some sleep. Then I can stop having crazy conversations with myself.'

ooOOoo

"Coming!" Sango fumbled with the keys as the phone rang insistently. Falling into the apartment, she tripped over her dropped items as she scrambled for the phone.

"Hello?"

"Sango, dear, did I catch you at a bad time?"

Sango sighed. Pushing the disappointment down, she put on her best cheery voice.

"Oba-san Kaede, how good to hear from you."

Laughing into the phone, Kaede could hear the false cheer in Sango's voice.

"I was just calling to see if you were coming down tonight or tomorrow morning. You haven't forgotten about tomorrow have you?"

Sango gasped. In all the turmoil, she had forgotten Saturday was Kohaku's birthday. How could she have forgotten her only little brother's birthday?

"I'll be there tonight. I just came in from work and was packing a small bag."

"That's lovely. You can be here in time for the dinner." Kaede listened carefully for Sango's response. She knew this was a touchy subject for her. Sango's visits had been few and far between since the disastrous almost-wedding two years ago. Kaede also knew if it was anyone else but Kohaku, Sango would have skipped this celebration.

Sighing, Sango gave in. "Very well, oba-san, I will be present for dinner. Now let me get off the phone so I can get the train on time. I'll see you in two hours."

Ten hours later…

With a cup of hot tea in her hands, for the first time in several weeks, Sango was at peace. It had been almost eight months since she had been home and she had forgotten the comfort it provided her. It was bittersweet, really. Looking around at the old pictures, she could remember how she and Kohaku came to be there. They lost their parents in a car accident when Kohaku was six and she was eleven. Kaede had opened her home and her heart to the orphans and Sango was grateful for that. They grew up loved and to be sitting across from Kaede made her life seem a little less hectic. It was almost easy to forget Miroku…almost.

The dinner was beautiful. Kohaku was thrilled to see her and she was glad to see his fiancée again. Rin was a beautiful girl and she truly loved Kohaku. He had bought her to Tokyo a couple of times to spend time with Sango and she enjoyed the younger girl's company. It had been heartening to see the family together again, celebrating a happy time. Sango sighed. It had been too long since she had been home.

Kaede heard the sigh from Sango. She had been watching her niece all night and while Sango put on a happy face for Kohaku, Kaede could see she was deeply troubled. Asking her to have tea this late at night was an attempt to get Sango to talk about her troubles. They sat at the worn kitchen table, not speaking. Kaede knew that Sango would talk if she weren't pushed into the conversation. After ten minutes of sighing and silence, her theory was proved correct.

Quietly, Sango told the story. She described how she met Miroku and everything that happened between them up until the fateful day at the apartment. By the end of the story, Kaede was holding one hand and Sango was wiping away tears with the other.

"I feel like such a fool."

Sniffing, Sango continued to dab at the stream of tears.

"He told me I was running. But I'm not running. I'm just not going to allow anyone walk over me again."

Patting her hand, Kaede tried to offer comfort.

"We all make mistakes. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is get past our fears and allow in the possibilities of being hurt again."

Anger blazed through the tears as Sango stared into the calm eyes of Kaede.

"I am not afraid of anything! I've faced every challenge that has come my way head on!"

Kaede sighed. This wasn't going to be an easy conversation to have with Sango but it was one that should have taken place years ago.

"Sango, I hate to say this but it's time to hear it. You've been running ever since Yukihiro broke off your engagement. You moved to Tokyo and except for my and Kohaku's birthday and New Year's Day, you haven't been back. Sweetheart, you didn't even come home for Obon."

Kaede could feel her own tears stinging as Sango cried harder. When the wedding had been called off, everyone was horrified for Sango and helping her tie up loose ends. No one noticed was the way she withdrew from everyone except family. Three months later, she was gone to Tokyo for a job no one knew she had even applied for. Kaede had assumed Sango had at least informed her friends but to her shock, she had cut off everyone and simply left.

"You can't keep running from pain. It will find you. But there are happy moments, too, and you are denying yourself those."

Grabbing a paper napkin from the table, Sango wiped her eyes and stood up.

"How can you say that? There is no way I could stay here. Poor, pitiful Sango. Yukihiro did so much better by leaving her and going back to his previous girlfriend. Do you think I didn't hear what they were saying about me? Except for you and Kohaku, what's even here for me?"

Kaede watched as Sango paced in the tiny kitchen.

"No one said those things. If anything, they directed anger at Yukihiro for doing such a dishonorable thing."

Sango whirled to face Kaede, her eyes were filled with rage and hurt. At that moment, Kaede feared for Sango's sanity. She had only seen that desperate look on Sango's face, at the same table, the night after her parents' funeral.

"They were thinking it! Do you honestly think that someone would want me? I wasn't good enough to marry so obviously I'm nothing!"

Crumpling in a heap to the floor, Sango's rant continued.

"Who would want someone who has been abandoned? Hell, my own parents left me. Yukihiro just proved what I already knew. Who am I to ask someone to fix themselves when I'm so broken."

Kaede knelt on the floor beside Sango and held as she cried uncontrollably. Gradually, the tears slowed and Kaede began to speak.

"I know this is hurting so bad right now but you buried it all. Letting go of this anger and pain is the first step."

She lifted Sango's face and with a tissue wiped away the tears.

"Do you honestly think your parents would have left you and Kohaku alone in the world by choice? They loved you both so much. Nothing but the kamis themselves could have taken them away." Cradling the heartbroken girl to her, Kaede continued.

"You are so beautiful, my child, and you have to believe this. There is someone out there who will love you, warts and all. The key is you have to let him in and don't let the fear rule you."

Sango simply sighed and said nothing. Neither woman was sure how long they sat on the floor but, finally, Kaede stiffly moved.

"Come on, dear, let's go the bed. These old bones aren't meant for the floor."

Sango stood and helped her aunt from the floor. She continued to hold on to the old woman as they made their way down the hall. Standing in the doorway, she was reluctant to face the night alone. Kaede gently held her face and kissed her forehead.

"Rest, child. It'll be better in the morning."

Sango could only nod, exhausted from her emotional outburst, and retire to her old bedroom. Listening to the sounds of the house settling, all she had the strength left to do was let the darkness claim her.


	14. In The Rain

Written for the mirsanficart "Summer Challenge" prompt #2 - Rain. Taken from the Absolution Universe.

Cross posted in un_love_you prompt #27 - Author's choice

* * *

Watching the rain pour from the rooftop of the old porch reminded Sango of tears. She could remember her mother telling her rain was nature's way of purifying the world. When the sun shone again, everything would be fresh and ready to start anew. She also taught Sango that tears served the same purpose for the soul. For every tear shed, your spirit was cleansed. Soon it would be ready to start living again.

Sango wasn't sure that her spirit would ever return to the land of the living. For so long she had lived a hollow experience, burying all her emotions deep inside, protecting them from the world. As long as she didn't put herself out there, there was no way she could be hurt, right? Instead she found herself at home, watching the rainfall and wondering if nature could be renewed, why couldn't she?

She often wondered if her mother knew how much heartache she was going through? How she wanted to cry every time it rained because rain could hide her tears? Sometimes, Sango would go walking in the rain, letting it soak her and stream down her face. The tears that came were hidden in the rivulets of water rolling down her cheeks. No one had to know her secret sorrow when she walked in the rain.

But now, things had changed. There was Miroku, who had his own sorrow but instead of hiding it, he shared it with her. He was on a path of discovery that would be leading him to a rebirth of sorts. She knew in her heart he would be fine. But, for all of her preaching, she couldn't let go of her own sorrow. Life and love bloomed all around her, nourished by the rain and the sunshine but she refused to prune away the overgrowth on her heart. She didn't want to endure the painful cuts and the itch of healing that could lead to a new beginning.

Sighing, Sango stood up. The rain called to her again, inviting her to be cleansed, to be finally free. As the first cool drops splattered on her skin, Sango felt a flicker of hope. Maybe there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe this time, her walk in the rain would set her free.


	15. Night

Written for mirsan_fics comm prompt # 10 - Lies. Also crossposted to un_love_you comm prompt #13 - I want to hurt you.

* * *

Facing the night was harder than living in the daylight. In the daylight, he could tell himself the stories that made easier to live with the guilt. In the daylight, he could justify his actions, telling himself they were the act of a righteous man, a man who had been scorned. He deserved some type of justice for all the pain he suffered through. Miroku knew his parting words were like a stab to Sango's heart but that had been his intention. He wanted her to hurt as much as he had been hurting and he had wanted to be the one to inflict the pain. In his vengeful heart, he was glad to see her face crumple as his words tore her to pieces.

"_You know, I can't help but wonder if you figured out the reasons why __**you're**__ running."_

He told himself she deserved it. She deserved the agony for playing with his emotions, for feeding him her sympathy only to take it away when she refused to face the same truth within herself. She deserved it for pretending she cared. But alone in the dark, he could no longer hide from what he knew deep down was the truth.

He needed her.

She had become his air, his reason for rising in the morning. His daytime denials were replaced by nighttime longings. He missed the sound of her voice, the way she could calm him. Hell, he even missed her angry moments. Thinking through the whole conversation, he knew Sango had been right. It was time to end this broken triangle he had become intertwined within to the point of strangulation. It had been cutting off his life and now it was cutting out Sango.

In the daylight, he could tell himself that he didn't care. Sentiment didn't matter under the glow of the sun. He could pretend that he didn't see the tears shining in her eyes, the misery evident on her face. In the daylight, he could show the world his indifference. He could feign disregard for her sorrow. In his daylight world, he was a shining star. Men envied him and all the ladies lusted for him. In this world of light, he was transcendent.

But at night, he was alone.

The same sentiment he ignored in the daylight haunted him at night. He could almost feel the warm splash of her tears, his heart in agony over the hurt and anguish over her face. At night, there was no shining light to chase away the shadows. Instead, they consumed him, forcing him to bear witness the type of man he was becoming: angry, broken, bitter. He would wake up in the dark, tears streaming down his face, her name on his lips.

He felt as if he were going insane. Sleep eluded him as the truths, relentless in their need to be heard, assailed his conscious. Soon, it felt as if the night waited for him, eager to rip away the lies of the light and show him the truth he could only face in the darkness. He knew if things didn't change, if he didn't right the wrongs of the past and the present, he would be consumed, lost to the demons of the night.


	16. Regrets

Written for un_love_you. Prompt used- I wish I didn't love you.

* * *

She didn't know the exact moment when her feeling for Miroku changed. Like a coward, Sango ran to Osaka, looking for a way to avoid what she already knew. Instead, she met with her past, forced to acknowledge the damage she held inside. Everything had been buried for so long that Sango pretended as if she had forgotten its very existence. Only by facing love again did she learn that the pain never really went away and it never would. Instead, she had to learn the pain couldn't be the only thing to define who she was or what she would become. Was she willing to live a safe life, lonely, but very little risk of getting hurt or would she be will to take a chance and risk it all?

The two-hour train ride back to Tokyo gave Sango a lot of time to think. She finally admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with Miroku. She also wished that she had not. In her heart, she knew he was not ready for a relationship and to be honest, neither was she. Talking with Kaede during her visit had done a lot to purge the failed engagement from her soul. Ruefully, she realized that she still had a long way to go. She finally came to the understanding that it wasn't her fault that things didn't work out with Yukihiro. Kaede told her until she forgave him then forgave herself, she would never be truly free. At first, Sango scoffed at the idea of forgiveness. It was petty but she liked the burn of the anger in her soul. She was well aware it was a dark road to travel but she couldn't let the anger go.

Then, the rains came.

Every since she was a small child, Sango had loved rain. As the heavens fell from the sky, impulsively, she decided to go for a walk. As the cold water soaked her skin, the year of hurt came to the surface. Scalding tears fell, burning away all the hurt and anger she had been holding. By the time, she returned to Kaede's home, she was hollow, save one simple truth. She loved Miroku and she had thrown him away.

As the train sped in the twilight towards home, Sango wasn't sure how to rectify her mistake. The only thing she was finally sure about was that she had to try it. The regret at her first mistake of pushing him away gnawed at her and she wasn't going to let fear stop her from trying to make it right. She could only hope that Miroku was willing to give her that chance.

ooOOoo

Miroku spent the weekend shuttered in his apartment, resisting the urge to drown himself in a bottle of sake. He had thought things were going so well between him and Sango when she dropped the bombshell on him. As the hours passed, he reluctantly realized that she was right. He had to deal with his past in order to move on with his future. He knew the moment he had left Sapporo, he was running from his past, praying it wouldn't find him. Love had not been on his mind. Instead, he knew there could be no way he could ever give his heart away again. The pain he endured was enough to make him realize that he just didn't have the strength to endure heartache any more.

After tossing Sango out of his apartment in a fit of anger, Miroku had come to understand she completed him in a way Kagome never had. He had finally broken down and had gone to her apartment, intent on apologizing, only to discover she wasn't there. He felt a panic overtake him and came close to losing his composure but a kindly but nosy neighbor informed him that Sango had gone to Osaka to visit family. He wanted so much to make amends but he knew in order to move forward, it was time to let his past go.

_"When did I fall in love?"_

Walking back to the train station, Miroku rolled the thought through his mind. The idea of loving Sango frankly scared him. It was too much, too soon. It had become painfully apparent they both had some issues to work through, individually and collectively. He longed for a time when it was all so simple but for the past year, his life had been anything but simple.

_"This was the wrong time to fall in love." _

This past year had been filled with pain and regrets. For love to bloom in spite of it all gave Miroku a glimmer of hope. His only goal now would be to make Sango understand they should at least try to make it work.


	17. Freedom

Written for un_love_you. The prompt used was "I thought I needed this."

* * *

As he sat across from her, he realized that he no longer cared. If anyone had told him in the midst of his all-consuming agony he'd reach a point where none of it would matter, when SHE didn't matter any more, he would have laughed. True, it would have been cynical, full of the poison that, until recently, consumed his soul, but he still would have laughed.

For so long he had been lost. All he could hear were her hurtful words reverberating in his heart. He had never known such pain existed in the world. At the time, he took comfort in her pain even as his soul went closer to the abyss. He was more than willing to go to hell but only if he could take her with him. Vengeance and bitterness were the only things that kept him functioning. Now he could see what an empty existence he once lived.

Listening with half an ear as she apologized and tried to explain, he realized he no longer needed this. During his misery-filled nights, he used to dream of her groveling at his feet on her knees, begging him to forgive her and set her free. Now, sitting in the light of day, he realized it no longer concerned him. He completely understood where she was emotionally. He was intimate with the pain and the constant questioning of self. Now he was wise enough to know that he could not release her from the guilt that plagued her- only she had that power.

He really wished there was some type of comfort he could provide for her, but he understood it was no longer his place. Even his words sounded hollow as he tried to think of what to say. He knew she would have to find her own way in her own time. During his time wandering in the recesses of his soul, he had learned his own lessons. He could now appreciate the journey he had undertaken. It had been rough, and so many times he had been ready to just give up and drown in the sorrow.

But he had been saved by someone as broken as he. He had been shown the way back to his faith, his joy and his love. Smiling serenely at the sad girl who sat in front of him, for the first time he finally understood what it meant to be free. Free from the anger and the sadness. This part of his past was done. He could only wish her strength and peace as she tried to find her way back into the light.

As he said goodbye and emerged into the sun, he gave in to the urge to bask its warmth and light. For so long, it had been cold and dark in his world and now he had stepped into the light. There would be no looking back.


	18. Lesson Learned

Sango couldn't believe she agreed to have lunch with Inuyasha again after the last time ended in such a disaster. Admittedly, she was curious on why he was so insistent, but she couldn't also help but wonder if this was going to be a bad idea.

Written for un_love_you, prompt used "You can be like me"

* * *

Now sitting across from him, she could see the worry etched in his face. They made small talk until after they ordered their meal and the waiter had left them finally alone. Inuyasha wasted no time expressing what was on his mind.

"Miroku's meeting Kagome today."

Surprise clearly showed on Sango's face. "Really?"

Frowning, Inuyasha asked, "He didn't tell you?"

Her face colored slightly, and Sango looked down to avoid Inuyasha's piercing gaze.

"We haven't really talked in a couple weeks."

Inuyasha's frown deepened and he leaned closer. "Why?"

Giving an exasperated sigh, Sango snapped, "It's complicated, okay?"

Leaning back in his chair, Inuyasha gave a smirk. "Try me. It can't be any more complicated than the situation is now."

Surprised, Sango looked up at the man across from her. She could see his sincerity and the concern glowing from his eyes. Taking a deep breath, Sango shared everything. She told him about the former fiancé, the confrontation with Miroku, and even her trip to Osaka. The end of her tale was met with silence. Their food sat getting cold, neither having noticed its arrival. Grabbing her chopsticks, Sango chose that moment to disclose another secret.

"I'm still angry with you and Kagome."

Inuyasha nodded. "That seems to be the standard these days, but I suppose you'll explain why you are on that boat, too."

Sango gave a slight smile at the sarcastic remark then her face became a mask of seriousness. "I'm angry because you didn't have to hurt him like that. If you loved him like the brother you say he was, you wouldn't have destroyed him."

Flushing, Inuyasha looked her straight in the eye. "You think I don't know that? I admit, I was selfish, Sango. All I knew was I saw and I wanted. I didn't think about his or her feelings. I just had to have her."

Hanging his head, he sighed heavily. "For the rest of my life, I'll regret what I've done. I've lost the one person who always had my back by stabbing him in his. He trusted me, and I failed."

Sango couldn't speak, her words choking in her throat. She never thought Inuyasha felt any remorse for what he had done. She had assumed since he had "won" by taking Kagome, he was happy.

"Aren't you happy with Kagome?"

Inuyasha gave a small smile. "I love her, but I can't say we are happy. I wonder sometimes if we'll ever really be. Miroku is always going to be between us."

Brushing his bangs back from his eyes, he continued. "I wish there was a way to fix this. I wish we could go back to when we all were happy. I want my friend back."

Sango was struck by the sadness in Inuyasha's eyes and voice. In her few meetings with him, she could never really get a feel for what was going on inside his head about his feelings over what happened between he and Miroku. She was now touched by the fact that he actually mourned the loss of Miroku's friendship and love. Reaching across the table, she took his hand.

"A wise person once told me that in order to move on to the future, you have to let the past go. What's done is done, and there can be no turning back."

Inuyasha focused his golden eyes on Sango. She could still see the sadness there but there was a smirk on his face.

"You would know all about that, I bet."

Sango returned his smirk. "Consider it a lesson well learned."


	19. Thin Line

Written for un_love_you. Prompt used: I'm Cruel.

* * *

Miroku thought one conversation would have been enough but Kagome insisted that they talk again. To be honest, he had no desire to rehash the past with her. He tried to be nice and understanding the first time they talked but it was plain to see, at least in Miroku's eyes, there was nothing left to say. He knew now that Kagome was searching for a way to assuage her guilt but with a pettiness he hadn't felt in a while, he no longer cared.

As he waited for her to arrive at the park, Miroku's mind wandered to thoughts of Sango. It had been weeks since he had seen her and their last time together had not been a happy time. He wanted to call her but he couldn't figure out what to say to her. The idea of just showing up on her doorstep crossed his mind but he didn't know if he could handle her rejection. During their time apart, he had come to realize that Sango was special. There were feelings between them in the short time they had been together that he had never experienced with Kagome.

"Miroku?"

Looking at Kagome, Miroku could see the signs of strain on her face. Her usually shining eyes were dull and the smile that always graced her face was missing. Remaining silent, he slid down the bench, giving her room to sit. They remained that way for a while, saying nothing. Miroku had chosen a bench far away from the crowd and he watched as people strolled in the distance, unaware of the turmoil on the quiet bench. Suddenly tired of the silence, Miroku spoke to Kagome.

"What do you want from me?"

Kagome stared down at the ground. She didn't expect Miroku to be so forthcoming. She knew what happened between them had changed him but she still wasn't used to the idea that Miroku would never share his gentle side with her again.

"I just wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings. After the last time we talked, you really didn't say much."

"I had time to come to grips with the situation." Miroku replied after a lengthy pause.

Kagome turned to look at the man sitting beside her. His face was calm but his eyes told another story. They were stormy blue, a sure indicator he was angry. She came to the sudden realization that she had lost more than just a lover.

"I wanted to still be friends."

Miroku could only stare at the woman, his mind swirling with emotions. The idea of remaining friends with her was a devastating idea. He could only look at her and see betrayal in her eyes. He knew he'd never trust her in any capacity again.

"Why can't you understand there is nothing left between us, Kagome?"

Quietly she answered. "We were friends once."

Smirking, Miroku responded. "Once, I thought you'd be the woman who'd bear my children."

The silence stretched between them, broken only by the distant sounds of the park. Kagome spoke into the tension-filled silence.

"Miroku, I know we aren't together anymore but why can't we work to rebuild the friendship we once had? Maybe start over."

He felt as if he had been punched. He had never expected Kagome to insist they try to be friends. While dating, he knew how she loved peace and tried to work on everyone getting along. It made him ill to think she couldn't see her role in this farce.

"How can you really think there could be any emotion left between us? There is nothing left in me for you."

As Kagome stared at him, her eyes shiny with tears, Miroku realized he meant everything he'd said. There **weren't** any feelings left in him for Kagome.

She spoke so low, Miroku had to strain to hear her. "You loved me once."

Miroku sighed. "And I thought you loved me. We both see how that worked out."

Tears rolled silently down Kagome's face but Miroku remained unmoved.

"Kagome, you can't have it all. You can't destroy me, destroy our relationship, destroy my oldest friendship and still want to be friends after it's all over. You made a choice and we all are living with the consequences. I'll never be anything more to you except an ex. There is no friendship in our future. There is nothing remaining between us and after today, I don't plan on seeing you anymore."

Wiping the tears away with the back of her hand, Kagome tried to reason with Miroku.

"Inuyasha and I didn't mean for any of this to happen. We never wanted to hurt you. We just fell in love."

Balling his hands into fist, Miroku restrained himself from striking her as a surge of anger tore through him. He could barely stomach her excuses for what happened. She still refused to accept any of the blame. That much he could see that now.

"Yet you did. All this love you speak of, yet you fucked my best friend. You have planned of a life together, leaving me broken and alone and now you want me to say it's okay for you to be happy. I honestly don't care if you two rot in hell!"

Kagome sat there in shock. She was finally bearing witness to Miroku's anger. Talking to him on the phone that first time, she knew of his pain. It cut her to the depths of her soul to know that she had been the cause of that pain. Now facing the brunt of his anger, Kagome felt her own anger flare. She wanted nothing more than her own life back. Everything had gone wrong, so horribly wrong and Kagome was frustrated. Without thought, she screamed at Miroku.

"How could you say that? How could you be so cruel?"

Miroku stared at her long and hard. She could feel the chill of his gaze weighting on her body and she instinctively knew she had crossed a line. The cold fury in Miroku's eyes frightened her and she slid away from him.

Speaking softly at first, Miroku let his anger weigh his words.

"How could I? Who lied to me? Who cheated on me? Who left me? Now you sit here wanting me to absolve you of any wrongdoing. Your cruelty knows no bounds."

Miroku stood to leave. "You want my forgiveness? You got it. I hope you choke on it."

Miroku ignored the sobs and calls from Kagome. He also ignored the stares of the curious people, his fury insulating him from the world. After working so hard to let the anger go, he could feel it beginning to take hold on his psyche. The venom from his encounter with Kagome was choking him. He felt nauseous and lying down seemed like a good idea.

He wasn't sure how long he walked. His feet moved on their own accord as he tried to put it all behind him. He reflected on the past and realized it was just that, the past. He was more than ready to move on and he was tired of others trying to pull him back in to the pain. He knew he wouldn't talk to Kagome any more. She would have to find her own peace. He couldn't take away the guilt she felt and it wasn't his place to anyway. It was time to let her go and let her deal with her own demons.

It was near dark when his footsteps slowed. To Miroku's surprise, he found himself outside a familiar building. He had been working up the courage to come but never could fine it. It seemed his subconscious made the decision for him. Before he could change his mind, he entered the building. Feeling like a high school boy on his first date, he knocked on the door. After a few minutes with no answer, he was ready to give up. Turning to go down the hall, he heard to click of a door opening.

"Miroku?"

"Hello, Sango."

They stood staring at each other. They were only a few feet apart yet the distance felt like miles. The first thought he had was how beautiful she was. He had missed Sango so much. In the quiet hallway, he stood afraid, fearing her rejection of him. Unexpectedly, Sango smiled and Miroku felt like the sun had risen.

"Would you like to come in?"

Miroku returned her smile. "I'd like that very much."


	20. New Beginnings

I know this has taken forever! I thank you so much for your patience and continued reading! I know it's not a long chapter but it helps to reestablish their relationship. Not a romantic one but everyone has to start somewhere!

* * *

Leaning against the closed apartment door, Sango let out a shaky sigh. She watched as Miroku walked to the seat on the couch she had offered and wondered briefly if she had lost her mind. True, she never expected to open the door and see him on the other side but her rational mind told her to slam it in his face. Instead, she listened to her heart and let him in. Knowing she needed a moment to think, Sango moved towards her tiny kitchen.

"I'll go make tea. It won't take but a minute."

Waving off his feeble protests, Sango went into her tiny kitchen, mechanically preparing tea and setting up the tray. On impulse, she pulled out a box of wa-gashi that Aunt Kaede sent the day before. Taking a deep breath, Sango centered herself and walked back into the living room with the prepared tray. Sango was surprised to see how tense Miroku looked as he waited for her to return.

"_He's nervous!"_ The thought put her more at ease. She was glad to see she wasn't to only one wondering how this visit would turn out. Not much was said while tea was poured and the sweets served. Taking a seat across from him, Sango watched as Miroku bit into one of the delectable bites.

"These are wonderful. They have to be homemade. No shop ever makes wa-gashi like this!"

Smiling, Sango passed him a napkin. "My aunt would be pleased to hear that. She always likes it when food is appreciated."

Miroku began to relax as he and Sango shared happy childhood memories. Both had lost their parents too young but their guardians had done everything to ensure they had some happy memories. The time passed swiftly as they reconnected. Sango began to realize how much she had missed just talking to Miroku. He was attentive and he gave thoughtful comments. Her thoughts were broken by Miroku's stunned gasp.

"Oh my! I didn't' realize it was after 10!"

Smiling, Sango reassured him. "It's ok. I've been enjoying the company."

Returning her smile, Miroku felt relieved. "I did come to see you before now but you were gone to Osaka."

Sango looked at the floor. Going home had been bittersweet. She finally came face to face with her own demons and stared her buried feelings inside. Not just willing to share that with Miroku, she instead told him how much she had enjoyed seeing her family again. She had him laughing as she described the birthday party and all the mayhem that went on during the preparation.

At a lull in the conversation, Miroku gathered his courage. He wanted to say what had been on his mind from the moment he actually knocked on the door.

"I was really wrong the last time we saw each other." Looking into Sango's shocked face, he plowed on. "I had no right to say those things to you."

Moving over to sit next to Miroku, Sango looked him straight in the eye. "It was something that needed to be said. My trip home helped me to understand that."

Giving a tentative smile, Miroku leaned a little closer to her.

"Sango, what I'd really like is for us to start over. Could we try being friends?"

"Looking away from his mesmerizing eyes, Sango could feel the tension flowing through Miroku as she contemplated his request.

"_Maybe being friends would be a good start for us."_

Meeting his worried gaze, Sango smiled. "Miroku, I think I'd like to be friends with you."

ooOOoo

With the air between then cleared, Miroku and Sango continued to talk well into the early morning hours. Miroku shared stories from his childhood and talked about how his life had been while growing up with a slacking monk. Finally, Miroku stood to leave, giving her a warm hug as he said good-bye. Leaning again against the closed apartment door, Sango decided it had been a very pleasant evening after all. As she moved to clean up the tea tray, she gave thought about Miroku's stories. She could really understand now how Inuyasha's behavior really cut Miroku's heart. The two had grown up together, orphans finding their way in the world. They had fought each other but support each other unconditionally. Sango was sure they had never thought their bond would be broken over a woman.

Completing her cleaning, Sango shut off the lights and moved to her bedroom. Dressing for bed, she contemplated the new beginning for her and Miroku. She drifted off to sleep. It was the first time in a long while she felt contentment.


	21. No Rest For The Weary

A little more about Miroku's past and the realization that maybe Miroku's not as together as he appears. Comments are always welcome and A/N can be found at my LJ.

* * *

Things progressed slowly over the passing weeks with Sango and to be honest, Miroku was glad. There were still so many issues they both had to deal with and the intensity of their first attempt still singed the wounded edges of their hearts. However, both were willing to find out what could become of their relationship and as a result, their friendship grew.

Miroku knew his biggest issue was dealing with Inuyasha. It still amazed him that Inuyasha was so persistent. After that final disaster with Kagome, Miroku wondered if Inuyasha was calling to try to resolve things between them or was he calling to defend Kagome's honor? With a smirk, he was struck by the fact there was no honor left between them. At one time, Miroku would have laid down his life for Inuyasha but he now had no desire to even look on the face of the person who reminded him he was an abandoned child and destined to be alone in this world.

Inuyasha was terribly persistent. At work, Miroku was able to block his calls but at home, his phone rang incessantly. The answering machine was full of messages, begging for return calls. Miroku erased them with the callousness he still felt towards the man. Shaking his head to remove the formally happy memories he retained from their friendship, Miroku was glad for the interruption of the cell phone.

"Mushin! So good to hear from you!"

The older man chuckled in the phone. "I thought maybe you had forgotten an old man like me."

"Never." Miroku had to smile. Mushin always claimed that everyone forgot about him, at least until they bought him sake. "How are you?"

"For an old man, I am good. You know it's almost ob-on time and I was wondering were you coming home to Sapporo this year."

Miroku groaned. Leave it to Mushin to go straight for the jugular.

"You know, Mushin, with work being so busy, I really just can't see having the time to get away. I'll just attend the festival and temple here."

Miroku could hear Mushin clicking his tongue. "It's not the same as being in the home of your ancestors and you know this, Miroku."

There was a long pause on the line and Mushin began to wonder if young man had disconnected. Finally, Miroku spoke.

"I haven't thought of Sapporo as home for a long time, Mushin. Everything I loved, with the exception of you, was taken from me in Sapporo. I can't hold it dear to my heart when it only causes me pain."

"Well, my son," Mushin said. "Your parents didn't choose to leave but it was time for them to return to the heavens. As for Inuyasha, he was misguided and I know he regrets what he has done every day. You have to forgive him."

Miroku stared at the floor. He wanted Mushin to understand how he truly felt so maybe they could not discuss this again.

"Why does he deserve my forgiveness? I loved him, Mushin. He was more than just my friend, he was my brother."

Mushin sighed. While it was good to hear Miroku finally voicing the things he had been keeping inside, Mushin knew that he would have to convince him to allow forgiveness into his heart.

"Holding on to the anger will only make you broken and bitter."

Giving a mirthless laugh, Miroku continued. "I have let him go, Mushin. He is no longer a part of me. I'm no longer angry but I've been bitter and broken since I went to the orphanage."

"Miroku, please!" Mushin pleaded. "You have to forgive him to find peace. You won't know love, not true, pure love until you heal that darkness in your heart. You have to forgive him for yourself. It's not for him. Inuyasha will have to answer to the kamis for his betrayal but you cannot allow your own soul to be sucked into abyss.

Miroku felt a burning ache start in his chest. "Mushin, I can't. I want him to suffer."

Mushin gasped. "That is not good for your karma."

Miroku gave a laugh that chilled the older man's blood.

"Karma. I've be cursed from birth and I was fool to think that things would change over time. My parents were taken from me and since then, anyone I've attempted to love has one way or another stabbed a knife into my soul. I loved Kagome. I was proposing to her and she told me she didn't love me; instead she loved the one person I called brother. I wanted to die that night but being the coward I was, I ran instead. As long as I have breath in my body, he will NEVER know my forgiveness."

Mushin felt ill. He had known that Miroku was angry and hurt because of Inuyasha's betrayal but he hadn't realized the extent of its roots into the young man's soul.

"My son, I'm just an old monk but I know this will affect your cosmic rebirth."

Miroku responded despondently. "Aren't I already living my karmic hell because of a past life already?"

Receiving no response from the now quiet man, Miroku decided he was ready to end the call. Gently, he spoke.

"I know you mean well, Mushin. You've always looked out for me and you still love Inuyasha too. Just understand that I have accepted my fate and I'm going to grab the little sliver of happiness that has finally come my way.,"

Miroku was pleased to hear the joy return to the old monk's voice. "Ahh, you've met someone."

Smiling, Miroku thought of Sango. "Yes, I met someone. We've had a rocky start but we are pretty good friends now."

Mushin's heart began to swell. "She may be the one you need to help you see your way."

"She's a lovely person. She doesn't deserve the taint of dealing with the mess. I don't discuss it with her. He is a closed subject."

"Everything happens for a reason and the same can be said for the people who enter your life." Mushin rationalized.

Miroku laughed. "Well, Mushin, the lovely Sango is in my life to provide joy for whatever time we are meant to be in each other's company. I have accepted my fate and I'm just going to grab my joy whenever I can."

Mushin laughed and after saying good-bye to his wayward charge, Mushin headed to the temple. It was going to take many prayers to get Miroku off his self-imposed path of destruction. Mushin was determined not to lose him again.


	22. Restless Heart

Title – Restless Heart  
Author- Kmoaton  
Characters – Miroku, Mushin  
Fandom – Inuyasha  
Summary – Mushin tries to break through the wall.  
A/N: Crossposted at un_love_you, Author's Choice prompt. Written for Luxken27 Midsummer challenge. The next chapter of "Absolution".

* * *

He hadn't planned to return to Sapporo for a while but the earthquake forced his hand. Miroku begged and bartered his way through the earthquake-ravaged land, hoping to find his adoptive father safe. Mushin was fine, Miroku finding him helping with the volunteers. He pleaded with Mushin to return to Tokyo and after packing a few things, Mushin agreed.

A few days later, Mushin sat on the couch, rummaging through a box of photos. Miroku was still at his office, giving Mushin time to think about the present situation. He knew, in spite of everything, the kamis set things in motion to help him mediate the chasm between his two boys. It broke his heart to see them so divided. Mushin was incredulous over the changes that happened in both of his boys. Whether Miroku was willing to acknowledge it, Mushin knew that Inuyasha was heartbroken over the loss of their deep bond and he could also see that ache in Miroku. Inuyasha has shared his failed attempts to contact Miroku and the explosive confrontations between Kagome and Miroku. Inuyasha tried to explain how he didn't want to hurt Miroku but Mushin refused to let him off the hook for that. He explained to Inuyasha how bringing suffering to others would only lead to one's own pain and suffering. Mushin knew Inuyasha and Kagome weren't happy, the burden of their decision weighed heavily on their lives. Mushin knew there would be no absolution for them. The implications of what they had done would poison the relationship forever. Mushin wasn't sure if the relationship would survive but he was determined to salvage the love between his two boys.

ooOOoo

Miroku arrived home, exhausted. After greeting Mushin, he immediately retreated to shower and change. Returning to the empty living room, he noticed the box of photos. As he looked through them, Miroku unearthed a long forgotten photo of himself and Inuyasha. It was a high school graduation shot. Their arms were slung around each other, huge grins on their faces. He could see the hope and joy shining in their young faces, not knowing, years later, one would betray the other for the love of a woman.

"I still hope you two will become brothers again." Mushin stated, sitting next to Miroku as he looked at the picture.

Sighing, Miroku returned the picture to the box. "I can't go back to the past, Mushin. What's done is done."

Standing, Miroku moved back to his bedroom, needing a moment alone to collect his thoughts.

ooOOoo

The smell of food lured Miroku out of his bedroom 30 minutes later. To his surprise, Mushin was in the tiny kitchen, pulling together a meal. Sitting at the small bar, Miroku smiled as he recalled growing up watching Mushin cook. It was a simple meal of shoya ramen but Miroku, who had lived on restaurant food, was thrilled to be eating a home cooked meal. They ate in companionable silence, the slurping of the noodles being the only sound to permeate the room. After cleaning the dishes, the two sat making small talk, enjoying a cup of tea. Too soon, the conversation took a more serious turn. They discussed the earthquake and what needed to be done to help others. It was then Mushin decided to try to influence Miroku once again.

"Is there nothing I can say to make you change your mind?"

Mentally weary, Miroku replied. "No, chichi. I spent a year in the darkness, trying to find a way out of my bitterness. There is nothing he can say to me that will change how I feel. Inuyasha is dead to me."

Miroku walked to his room, leaving Mushin sitting alone in the kitchen. It hurt his heart to hear Miroku speak those words but now more than ever, he resolved to bring peace to both Inuyasha and Miroku.


	23. Pipe Dream

Title – Pipe Dream

Author: Kmoaton

Characters – Sango, Miroku, Mushin

Fandom – Inuyasha

Summary – Sango becomes Mushin's ally.

A/N: Written for un_love_you. Prompt: I can be like you.

Sango nervously knocked on Miroku's door. The idea of meeting the father figure in his life excited and terrified her. She wanted to make a good first impression. Sango could remember Miroku telling her that Mushin always loved good sake and she scoured shops until she found a wonderful brand for a gift.

Mushin opened the door, taking in the appearance of the dark haired girl. Graciously accepting the gift, he led Sango into the living room. Because of the small kitchen, Miroku converted the room into a traditional dining room with a beautifully decorated low table surrounded by cushions. Settling around the table, Sango and Mushin made small talk as Miroku came in the room to greet his guest. After taking the sake into the kitchen to chill, Miroku returned bearing platters of food. As the dinner progressed, laughter flowed through the tiny apartment as Mushin regaled Sango with tales of Miroku growing up. She insisted on helping clear the table but was shooed away. Miroku and Mushin soon returned bearing the now chilled sake and a tiny tray of sweets.

Sango pleasantly surprised Mushin. He perceptively noted she was kind and generous but he also recognized her backbone of steel. Mushin could easily see that Sango cared for Miroku but they were both wary around each other. As the evening concluded, Mushin realized he now had a second agenda.

ooOOoo

Sango was surprised to receive a lunch invitation from Mushin. Arriving promptly, she found him sitting at a small table in the back of the restaurant. After ordering, Sango asked the question that nagging her all morning.

"Why am I here?"

Mushin smiled. "Very perceptive. I knew there was something I liked about you."

Blushing at the compliment, Sango persisted. "It's obvious you have questions about Miroku. Your concern from him is evident."

Mushin conceded. "You're right but he is not the only one I'm concerned about."

Confusion marred Sango's face for a moment then Mushin saw understanding dawn on her.

"Inuyasha."

Mushin's face showed surprise. "So you've been told?"

Sango gave a mirthless chuckle and discussed her involvement with the heartbreaking triangle. Mushin listened, sadness enveloping him. Things were worse than he feared. He was heartened; however, to hear Sango's passionate defense of Miroku and her desire to help him put his past behind him. After they completed lunch, Mushin walked Sango back to his office.

"I want to bring them together. I think if they just talked, so much of this could be put behind them."

Sango stopped walking and looked at Mushin. She really couldn't envision Miroku and Inuyasha having a pleasant chat. His face was so hopeful but Sango knew he was chasing a dream. She had grown fond of the older man already and she didn't want to destroy his hope.

"What do you need me to do?"

ooOOoo

Pacing the floor Sango worried about the upcoming meeting. She told Inuyasha what Mushin had planned and while he wholeheartedly agreed, Inuyasha was apprehensive about Miroku's reaction. Sango felt the same. She did not intend to be there but Sango knew Miroku would eventually find out that she had been talking with Inuyasha for several weeks without his knowledge. While she hadn't betrayed his confidences, she knew Miroku would feel betrayed and it scared her to think where those feeling would leave their relationship.


	24. Love The Way You Lie

Title – Love the Way You Lie

Author: Kmoaton

Characters –Miroku, Mushin, Inuyasha

Fandom – Inuyasha

Summary – Inuyasha and Miroku finally meet again.

A/N: Written for un_love_you. Prompt: I'm Drunk. The song title is from the song by Eminem "Love the Way You Lie". I thought it fit in the mentality of Miroku at this particular moment. The Black Ship drink mentioned in the story is a cocktail made of whiskey, port, pomegranate juice and lemon juice. It's powerful stuff! Finally, the restaurant is a real restaurant. It's reason enough to go to Tokyo. If you go to the website, you can see the beautiful bar and the gardens.

Miroku was surprised when Mushin insisted on treating him to dinner. He was further surprised when he discovered Mushin had reserved Toufuya-Ukai, an exclusive restaurant with private dining rooms. Arriving at the restaurant early, Miroku decided to wait in the bar. He was slightly apprehensive about the whole setup. He knew Mushin was up to something and he prayed it didn't have anything to do with Inuyasha. Suddenly needing courage, Miroku signaled the bartender and ordered a Black Ship. As the combination of whisky and port began to warm his belly, Miroku felt a momentary twinge of regret. It had been months since he had taken a drink but instinctively he knew it would take copious amounts of alcohol to get through whatever Mushin had up his sleeve.

ooOOoo

Mushin was disturbed when he arrived at the restaurant to see Miroku nursing a drink. After they were shown their dining room, Miroku walked to the floor to ceiling windows framing the koi garden, his drink in hand. For a few moments, Mushin stood next to him, enjoying the calm before the impeding storm.

"How many of those have you had?" Mushin asked as he watched Miroku take a long sip from his glass.

Looking ruefully at the nearly empty glass, Miroku didn't respond for a moment. He could feel Mushin's eyes boring through his soul as if trying to gauge his drunkenness. After a tense silence, he finally answered.

"This is the third."

Before Mushin could reply, the door to the private room opened and in walked Inuyasha.

ooOOoo

Miroku was barely aware by the midpoint of the dinner. Any comments from Inuyasha or Mushin were met with a cold stare. As each course was served, Miroku slid deeper and deeper into an alcoholic haze. Between the Black Ships and the different sakes served with each course, Miroku was soon drunk out of his mind, the betrayal he felt earlier when Inuyasha walked into the room drowning in anger and alcohol.

Mushin finally had enough of Miroku's drunken insolence. As the waiter cleared the table for the next course, Mushin requested no more alcohol be served. Miroku interjected

"Maybe for them. I'm running a tab."

Throwing Miroku a look he hadn't seen since childhood, Mushin firmly stated. "Close his tab. No alcohol for anyone."

After the waiter left, Miroku exploded. "Why are you trying to dictate what I do?"

"You've had enough to drink." Mushin calmly replied.

With his face flushing from temper and drink, Miroku's voice was tight. "I haven't begun to have enough, old man!"

Inuyasha interjected. "Stop, Miroku, before you say something you regret."

Miroku turned his frozen midnight gaze to the man who betrayed him so long ago, his voice low and frosty. "Amazing that you can speak about regrets. I've regretted every day that I've known you."

Miroku saw Inuyasha's expression freeze. He could feel Mushin's hand on his arm to still him but the floodgates had been opened. Miroku could no more stop the words that begun to come from his mouth than he could stop breathing. Mushin tried to stem the flow.

"Miroku, please! He was your brother once." Mushin couldn't help but shudder when he saw had cold and heartless Miroku's eyes had become. His blood chilled at the words that came from his adoptive son's mouth.

"He is dead to me now. What brother would rip your heart out and steal the woman he knew you were in love with? What brother would sneak behind your back, having sex with the woman he KNEW you were in love with? Tell me, Mushin, what brother would not even be man enough to come to you and tell you these things himself? Instead, he let me make a fool of myself, letting HER be the one to tell me of their relationship, letting HER tell me they had planned this whole life together while she was still with me! Lying with me in my bed, saying she loved me! He knew all of this was going on yet never once did he open his mouth and say it to my face!"

Now staring Inuyasha in the eye, Miroku continued his tirade. "Everything he ever said to me was a lie. Everything he ever meant to me was a lie. I can't believe you even had the nerve to call me about HER hurt feelings. Did you really think I could forgive you? Do you even think I want to?"

Inuyasha's quiet, tired voice cut through Miroku's rant.

"I never meant for the end like this, Miroku. I never meant for any of this to happen."

Momentarily deflated by Inuyasha tone, Miroku quietly asked. "Explain it to me then. Make me understand how the only other person I would have willingly given my life for could destroy a lifetime of friendship and love all for a woman."

Inuyasha's cheeks colored but no words came. A wave of unexpected sadness coursed through Miroku. Deep in his heart, he wanted a reason, an explanation why all of these even came to be but he had always known there wouldn't be one. Standing, Miroku looked at the two downcast men. Mushin's face was a picture of despair, his eyes cast to the floor. Inuyasha, however, returned his stare, his face impassive but his eyes pleading with Miroku to understand.

Shaking his head, Miroku began heading for the door, suddenly overwhelmed by emotion. He heard to scrap of a chair behind him and as he reached the door, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Miroku, I'm sorry. I've said it so many times."

Taking a deep breath, Miroku pushed Inuyasha's hand off his shoulder. As he turned, he was stunned to see tears on his former best friend's face. Unable to stop his own tears, Miroku shook his head,

"It will never be enough for what you have done to me. I will never forgive you."

Evilly pleased to see Inuyasha's face shatter, Miroku walked out the door, wiping his tears with his jacket sleeve. He would never admit, even to himself years later, that those tears were for his brokenhearted friend.


	25. Letting Go

Some times, the hardest thing you can do is let someone go. Prompt Used: You can be like me

* * *

After waking up with a monster hangover, Miroku once again swore up drinking. Instead, he threw him into his work. From almost sunrise until sunset, he slaved away at his office. He had minimal contact with Mushin and refused to talk about the night at the restaurant. Any free time Miroku gave himself, he spent with Sango. Many nights, he wound up falling asleep on her futon, having worked himself to exhaustion. Shaking her head, Sango covered the sleeping man up, her thoughts troubled because she was aware of the turmoil he was experiencing.

Miroku was unaware that Mushin had told Sango everything about the disastrous reunion. They both were worried about Miroku. They could see how he was avoiding the issue. After two weeks, Sango decided enough was enough. If nothing else, Miroku and Mushin would settle this riff between them.

ooOOoo

Miroku was glad to be off on a Friday night. He had briefly contemplated working a few hours on Saturday but his body let him know it had no plans to cooperate. Sango invited him over for a meal and his heart sang. In the wake of recent events, she had become a beacon in the storm. He refused to tell her about the dinner, not wanting to burden her with his problems. There were times when he wanted to share but he had made a personal vow to leave her out of his dramatic life. The drama had already threatened to tear them apart once and he wasn't going to allow that to happen again. Knocking on the door, Miroku cleared his mind. Sango had a knack for knowing something was bothering him and he wasn't going to let unhappy thoughts wreak a happy evening.

Sango opened the door and almost gasped at Miroku's haggard face. His appearance strengthened her resolve that she was doing the right thing. After greeting him, Sango was surprised to see him hold out a bag to her.

"I stopped and picked up green tea ice cream."

Sango smiled at the thoughtfulness. Taking the bad, she headed for the kitchen while talking over her shoulder.

"You know this is my favorite. Tea is on the table, let me put this away."

Miroku prepared a cup of tea for Sango and himself and settled on the couch, sighing as he felt the tension of the week drain away. Sango's home had become his refuge away from the awkwardness of being around Mushin. He missed their closeness but Miroku knew the conversation would eventually turn to Inuyasha and Miroku didn't have it in his heart to even hear anything. Whether he would admit it or not, Miroku was still heartbroken over Inuyasha's lack of explanation. When sleep eluded him, that unanswered "why" haunted him. Hearing Sango return, he pushed those depressing thoughts out of his mind and gamely attempted to be carefree.

Sango didn't miss the forlorn look on Miroku's face but for the moment, she let it slide. Instead, they made small talk over tea. When the doorbell rang, Sango's heart jumped into her throat. Ignoring Miroku's questioning look, she went to the door and allowed her guest to enter. Miroku gasped and stood.

"Mushin? Why are you here?"

Before Mushin could reply, Sango answered. "I invited him. Dinner first then we'll all talk."

Eyes narrowed, Miroku sat down but didn't respond as Sango poured Mushin's tea and excused herself to check dinner. The two men sat in an awkward silence. To his surprise, Miroku found he was no longer angry with the man who had been like a father to him. Anxiety, however, filled him. For the first time, Miroku wondered just what Mushin had shared with Sango.

ooOOoo

Dinner was subdued but everyone talked while avoiding the elephant in the room. Tension filled the space and for a moment, Sango wondered if Miroku was going to faint. He went pale when Mushin arrived but over the last hour, he had begun to talk to the old man, bringing a sparkle to the elder's eyes. Sango was glad to see it happen because she knew how important they were to each other. She had hoped this evening would lead to a reconciliation of sorts. Both men were stubborn but they loved each other and that is all that really mattered.

ooOOoo

Once dinner was cleared and everyone returned to living room, Mushin finally explained.

"I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have tried to force Inuyasha on you."

Miroku scowled but said nothing, the hurt and anger from eh encounter shining in his eyes. Heartened that he didn't argue, Mushin continued.

"I had hoped that seeing him would encourage you to talk to each other."

Miroku sighed and reached over to pat Mushin's shoulder.

"I can try to understand why you did what you did but I also want you to understand…" Miroku paused for a moment, his throat closing up. He struggled to regain his composure and after several clearing breaths, he continued. "I want you to understand how I feel, the reason why I can't talk to Inuyasha, not right now, maybe not ever."

Standing he began to pace and talk. He told Mushin about his proposal and how he found out about Kagome and Inuyasha's relationship that same night. Hearing a gasp, Miroku turned and saw the shocked look on Mushin's face.

"_He didn't know!" _ Miroku thought but he continued. "I was crushed by her betrayal but it was Inuyasha's that nearly took my life. He knew how I felt about her, he listened to me make plans for a future with her all the while he was sleeping with her. He encouraged my relationship with her; he helped me pick out gifts for her. He even listened when I vented after arguments with her and he said nothing. He looked me in the eye, called me brother and all the while, he was betraying me."

Stopping, he looked Mushin in the eye. He had saw Sango with her head down. She had heard the story before but he couldn't tell if she was angry or upset. Mushin's face relayed his shock. He obviously had been talking to Inuyasha but apparently, Inuyasha hadn't told him everything.

"Mushin, I hate that Inuyasha put you in the middle of this mess. The last thing I wanted was for you to be dragged into all of this. That's why I left, trying to keep this away from you."

Mushin could only sigh, his mind reeling from these new revelations. "You both are my sons. There is no way I could not be involved. This night has truly opened by eyes."

Mushin moved to stand and Miroku hurried to help him up. Once on his feet, Mushin continued to hold on to Miroku.

"I will no longer push this issue with you. You will find your own way in your own time and if your life path does not include Inuyasha, so be it."

Miroku bowed his head, overwhelmed, relieved and sadden at his father figure's words. He knew how hard it must have been for Mushin to concede. There was nothing he could say to console Mushin. Instead, he pulled him into an embrace and whispered into his ear.

"Thank you, old man. You don't know how much this means to me."

Mushin could only return the hug. As much as he wanted his boys back together, he realized that it was time to step back and allow Buddha to handle this.


	26. Selfish

Miroku's eyes are opened by the least expected person and Sango comes to some of her own conclusions. Written for un_love_you. Prompt used - Author's Choice.

I know this one is short but I hope it explains itself. Thanks for reading and feel free to review.

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Time, Miroku discovered, has a way of making you heal, whether you intended to or not. In the passing weeks after the disastrous dinner, Miroku came to understand what Mushin had attempted to do. In Mushin's heart, they were still his boys and there was a bond between them that could never be broken. That bond was damaged but Mushin believed it could be repaired. In the back of his mind, Miroku couldn't help but wonder if that would even be a possibility.

It was hard to reconcile his feelings for Inuyasha. Kagome was easy to let go once he finally faced her. The treachery of her actions changed his whole opinion about her and he couldn't help but wonder why he had been drawn to her in the first place. She had been attempting to contact him but he elected to ignore her, refusing to entertain her pleas on Inuyasha's behalf.

_Inuyasha._

Thinking of Inuyasha made Miroku's heart ache. Seeing Inuyasha brought back all the old feelings. The anger was still there but now there was a longing for what had been. Miroku was now ready to acknowledge he missed his friend and his brother. Seeing Sango with her brother made Miroku realize what he had truly lost. As the months had past, he finally came to understand most of the pain he felt came not from the actions of Kagome but those of Inuyasha. Miroku meant what he said when he told Inuyasha he was willing to die for him but the very fact that Inuyasha had betrayed him in the most brutal and intimate of ways had destroyed Miroku's soul.

Miroku really wanted to understand the reasons behind Inuyasha actions. While visiting Sango's family in Osaka, Miroku found himself having late night tea with her aunt, Kaede. In the quiet darkness, the talk soon turned to Miroku's past. Later, he wondered if his tea had been dosed with a truth serum but at the time, Miroku had been compelled to share his soul. Once he had finished talking, Kaede was quiet for a moment.

_"Have you ever considered the possibility of Inuyasha being envious of your relationship?"_

_Certain the shock was evident on his face, Miroku couldn't help but gape at the older woman._

_"But why? There have been women before."_

_"But none who had truly captured your heart."_

_Staring onto his cup of tea, Miroku allowed Kaede's words to roll around his head. For the longest time, Inuyasha and Miroku only had each other. There had been girlfriends but no one had come between their bond...until Kagome. Thinking, Miroku began to pick apart all the times he spent with Kagome often leaving Inuyasha to his own devices. Guilt surged as he could recall the times Inuyasha invited him to different events but he wouldn't go because he had plans already. His heart slammed into his ribs as he realized it had been months since he and Inuyasha had spent any time together at all._

_"I was so in love and so blind." Miroku stated, his voice broken and sad. _

_Reaching across the table, Kaede patted his hand. "Not blind. You were on a different path. Inuyasha couldn't see beyond his own needs and desires to realize he wasn't losing you. He was selfish and that selfishness led all of you down this path." Standing, Kaede moved toward the kitchen door, leaving a brooding Miroku at the table. Before she retired for the night, there was one last thing. _

"_The question is, do you remain on the path or do you finally construct a new path?"_

ooOOoo

That question continued to linger in Miroku's mind. He had never considered Inuyasha's jealousy as a viable reason. In the past, there had never been an issue of envy between them or at least, Miroku didn't think so. He always wanted Inuyasha to be happy and until "Kagomegate", he would have bet everything that Inuyasha would have wanted the same for him. Realizing that only way he would get a definite answer was to talk to Inuyasha, Miroku decided to bite the bullet. He would call his former brother but first, he really needed to talk to Mushin.

ooOOoo

Sango signed as she stared at the work on her desk for the millionth time. It had been two weeks since the dinner with Mushin and while she was glad he and Miroku finally cleared the air, she couldn't help but feel apprehensive. She didn't speak at the dinner, allowing Miroku the opportunity to share his thoughts and feelings but it irritated her how easily Mushin had believed Inuyasha. She knew some of that came from the fact that Miroku left without sharing what happened, leaving the door open for Inuyasha to weave his story but it seemed like Mushin didn't even take Miroku's feelings into consideration at first.

The more she heard, the more she realized Inuyasha was attempting to manipulate everything to ease his guilt. Sango still wondered why he went after Kagome, knowing that she was Miroku's girlfriend. There was a lot Inuyasha had been willing to share but Sango could see he left out so much more. She trusted her instincts and believed that Inuyasha was truly devastated by what happened between he and Miroku. She could also tell that things weren't going well between Inuyasha and Kagome. With the guilt that was running rampant between those two selfish souls, Sango couldn't see them staying together much longer. Inuyasha wanted to repair his relationship but there was no way that would happen while Kagome was still in the picture.

Sango wondered. _"Would Inuyasha be will to give up Kagome for Miroku? Would it even matter?"_

Shaking her head, Sango tried to clear her head and focus on her growing pile of work. Maybe a call to Inuyasha later would be in order but right now, she had things to do.


	27. A Change Is Gonna Come

Written for H/C Bingo. Prompt used- Shipwrecked.

Written for un_love_you. Prompt used – Prove it.

Written for luxken's Summer Challenge. Prompt used - Indulge.

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Mushin was surprised to receive a call from Miroku in the middle of the day. After assuring they would meet for dinner, he wondered what was on Miroku's mind. Their relationship was back on track after the dinner at Sango's but Mushin could sense the reluctance on Miroku's part to share as he once did. Realizing he was wrong, Mushin struggled to reconcile what he knew about the rift between Inuyasha and Miroku and his desire for the boys to become brothers once again. His conversations with Inuyasha were tense and he struggled to understand what Inuyasha had done. Leaving the apartment, Mushin decided some time in a local shrine praying would be a wise move. Maybe the kamis could shed some light on the darkened corners that currently existed in all of their lives.

ooOOoo

"So I think I need to talk to Inuyasha." Miroku stated as Mushin sipped his tea. Nearly choking on the hot liquid, Mushin was speechless.

"That's a positive step." He finally replied after a moment. "What prompted this decision?"

Miroku sighed. "I need to know the truth. I need to know why?"

"Are you sure this is a wise move? The reasons might hurt more." Mushin noted, a frown now marring his face

"I need to know. Nothing can hurt any more than it already does." Miroku replied.

Discussion was tabled while the men ordered. Once they were alone again, Mushin took up the discussion.

"He is still asking for forgiveness."

Miroku glared. "I can't promise that, Mushin. Right now I'm just trying to see what his motivation was to do the things he did."

Mushin laughed. "Motivation. You make it sound like a play."

Miroku smiled. "Sometimes this whole thing feels like it should be a serial drama. Right now, I'm indulging my need to know. It might hurt more but at least I can understand and move on."

ooOOoo

Sango left work, tired but on a mission. She was meeting Inuyasha at her apartment and she hoped her excuse to Miroku didn't sound contrived. She hated keeping secrets from him but Sango knew it would not go well if he found out about her meetings with his estranged friend.

Inuyasha arrived promptly at 7:00. After serving tea, Sango got straight to the point.

"Why didn't you tell Mushin the whole story?"

Inuyasha glared. "What was I supposed to do, Sango? Miroku already hated me. I couldn't lose Mushin too."

"The lies have hurt you more than the truth, Inuyasha. You've strained your relationship with him and I can tell that things aren't well between you and Kagome." She paused, taking in the now reddened face of her visitor.

"Was it worth it?"

Inuyasha said nothing for a moment. "When this started, I thought I was doing the right thing. I was out to prove something and instead, I have done nothing but destroyed. It will never be worth it, even if I can say that I was right."

Sango was floored. "You were right? What were you trying to prove?"  
Inuyasha shook his head. "No, I won't tell you. That story is for Miroku and only Miroku. I have to show him that I meant no harm. I have to let him know that I never meant to hurt him. Even if he never says anything to me again after I explain, I still want his forgiveness."

"How do you intend to prove yourself worthy of his forgiveness? You have done things that some people would never forgive." Sango asked.

"By doing what you said I should have done from the beginning, tell the whole truth." Inuyasha sighed, his head hanging.

"I'm the reason we are all foundering. I'm the one who steered us into the rocks and I'm the one who broke up my family. That means I'm the only one who can fix this mess."


	28. Wounded

Written for un_love_you. Prompt used – You'll Do.

Written for LuxKen's Summer Challenge. Prompt used – Heart

Written for H/C Bingo. Prompt used – Scars

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**A/N – I've decided to give you a peek into Kagome's and Inuyasha's relationship. I know there have been hints in previous chapters that things between them haven't been all sunshine and roses. This chapter will confirm that. Please note, if you are a major fan of the Kagome/Inuyasha pairing and want them to always be lovey-dovey, you WILL NOT LIKE this chapter AT ALL! Don't read it if you can't handle it.**

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"Where have you been?" Kagome asked the movement Inuyasha walked through the door. Lately it seemed, he spent more and more time gone, leaving her alone.

Trying not to flinch as she wrapped her arms around him, he gently untangled himself and worked to remove his tie.

"I went with co-workers for dinner. We are still trying to finish a big project and we decided to work through."

Moving to the couch, Kagome sat and watched him take off his jacket and tie. "You could have called. I would have been willing to meet you for dinner."

Inuyasha walked down the hall to the small bedroom they shared to finish undressing. Before he closed the door, he replied. "You wouldn't have liked it."

Kagome frowned at the closed door. In the beginning, things had been wonderful. Of course, adding to the thrill of it all was the fact that they were sneaking around. She hated hurting Miroku but the thrill of being with Inuyasha was too tempting. She had always been attracted to him but Miroku asked her out first. Honestly, she never expected their relationship to last and was pleasantly surprised to discover she enjoyed being with him. Inuyasha became forbidden fruit and that just made him irresistible.

Lately, things had changed. Inuyasha barely touched her and it was obvious that he only tolerated her company. He started avoiding her, spending hardly any time with her. After the dinner with his adopted father and Miroku, things had only gotten worse. Kagome had known Inuyasha was devastated by Miroku's reaction but to be honest, she thought it was time for him to get over it. When he came out of the bedroom, Kagome was ready.

"I think it's time to let this go."

Inuyasha stared blankly for a moment, trying to understand what Kagome meant.

"Let what go?"

"This thing with Miroku. Ever since that dinner, you have been moping around. It's obvious that he is never going to forgive you so just walk away."

Patting the couch beside her, Kagome waited until Inuyasha sat down. "I mean, all of this with Miroku. I hate what this is doing to you…to us."

Inuyasha stared at Kagome as if she had grown another head. "What this is doing to us? Everything that's happening now is because of us! We are responsible for all of this mess!"

Kagome scoffed. "We were wrong but I think Miroku is getting some kind of perverse pleasure in making us feel guilty. I apologized and he brushed it off. I think he likes being the victim."

Inuyasha could only listen to the self-absorbed woman beside him. It took him several minutes before he could form coherent words.

"You do realize we ripped his heart out? We betrayed Miroku and he trusted us! Some people never heal from that. I can't honestly say that we even deserve his forgiveness."

Anger blazed in Kagome. "Then why do you keep begging him for it? He has moved on. He has a new girlfriend. He is happy. Let it go!"

"I keep asking because I **need** his forgiveness! He is my friend. He is my brother." Inuyasha took a deep breath and stood. "I never knew that pain could cut your heart to ribbons or leave scars so deep. For the rest of my life, I will beg him for his forgiveness."

Grabbing his keys, he walked across the room and opened the front door.

"Where are you going?" Kagome asked.

"Out." Pausing for a moment, Inuyasha looked back at the woman sitting on the couch. "You know, we are not happy and I'm starting to realize we may never be. I ruined three lives proving a point."

Before Kagome could ask what he meant, Inuyasha closed the door behind him. Bursting into tears, she finally began to face the damage that had been truly done to them all.


End file.
